When I first moved to Chicago, I had a lot of trouble finding positive outlets. I didn't know a lot of people and didn't know the area very well. The combination of spending a lot of time in my head and not having a place to release that energy was a really lonely feeling. I wouldn't want that feeling ever again but I ended up learning a lot about myself, those first few months out there. As self-defined as I feel sometimes, it's hard to go weeks without your regular outlets. I can't get in my car and go for a drive. I've spent the last four days looking for a basketball court and everyone one I find is either private or has no rims. (I actually went into a bar the other day that had one on their patio. I must have looked like a little kid because I was so excited). You can't run on the street because it's uneven and stray dogs would chase you. My computer and internet have not been working for the last few days. So I have felt a little trapped.
I've been having fun going out and exploring some of the nightlife here. When your outlets and your social scene become the same space though, it's usually not a good thing. So this lack of outlets at the moment got me thinking about the places in my life that help me release.
If you had to name 5 places that you consider your personal sanctuaries (places of peace, places of intense rest, places to refresh) , what would they be? What do they have in common?
I'm excited to ask people here this question because I have no idea what they're going to say. Older folks might say their temple or ashram but I don't understand yet where younger people go to recenter themselves. I'm kind of scared that they won't have an answer or that they're going to say something messed up.
I've been thinking about my list the last couple days. Here it is:
Two of my sanctuaries, interestingly enough, are temples. My family in India visits one of the temples every morning (as they've done for over a hundred years). It's quiet and people don't bother you to make donations. One corner of the temple is outside and surrounded by palm trees. I like to sit out there during the day and just take the day in. I've only been to the other temple a few times but it has the same intense quiet feel to it. You can hear yourself move around and if you sit still, you can hear yourself breath. Neither temple actively asks you to donate and the priests are super laid back.
I thought I would lead with the temples, since I'm in India. The rest of the locations on the list come from back home.
Two of the remaining three are taquerias (are you surprised?). Pollo Vagabundo (Elmhurst, Illinois) and Angela's Burrito Style (Chicago, Illinois). Carlos' food at Pollo has made me happy in my worst moods. I usually get up four or five times to hit the salsa bar. I believe in the healing properties of his salsa. After eating, I go to the counter and talk to him about life for a little bit and then head out totally refreshed. I've written about the other taqueria before. Guerzo, the owner of Angela's, became part of my family in Chicago. His taqueria was right down the street and we would talk about all sorts of stuff when I was in there. Both places were such escapes from my normal life.
The last sanctuary is a basketball court. There is one particular court in my hometown that I've spent years of my life on. My buddy David and I joke that no other humans have spent as much time on that court as us! (it's true!). I started playing ball on the court when I was 5 or 6 and it's still one of the first places I go to when I go home. So many conversations and memories about life have gone down there.
There's something about each place that quiets my mind and makes me feel free. I hope I find some new places in my journey out here. So, what are your sanctuaries?
Entitled
I consider myself a very open-minded and accepting person. I love learning about other cultures and about other religions. There is one group though that I've been rather closed-minded about in the past. Growing up they were never around. I had only heard stories. I knew my first full-blown exposure to them would be in college. Before I left for school, I asked a few people I respected about them. "They're drama," they said, "be careful." Or, "the guys like to get in fights," said another person. "Fights?!" I asked. "Yeah, knife fights," they said (were the Indians at UT hella shady in the late 90s or something? did they like to get stabby?). I know some of you that know me well are laughing right now. I'm talking about Indian kids in America.
To be honest, I unfairly grouped them all together when I was younger. I decided they were all into bhangra and superficial Indian culture and didn't really have an interest in India itself. That was really unfair of me. I think a little part of me will always wonder what it would have been like to get involved with the community in college. For some reason though, I just never identified with them. I didn't understand that people were able to be outwardly Indian and still balance their non-Indian sides. I saw a few people wanting to be around people with whom they felt a common connection.
I still didn't get it. I never felt like a minority. Sure, there were times growing up here and there and being teased but it never registered with me. It's interesting because I've talked to people that have also grown up in towns where their ethnicity is the extreme minority and people seem to either feel very welcome or very alienated. Either way, outside my house, I was just another one of the guys and inside my house I was Konkani and wanted to marinate on all things Indian. I didn't think I could be very Indian and very American at the same time. I identified with my Konkani culture strongly at home and didn't think about it much outside our house. The three have always been separate in my head. (interesting side question for you: "If you had to choose between calling yourself American or whatever ethnicity, culture, etc you identify with, which would you choose?" Without hesitation, I am American. I'm very proud of that and I hate when my parents make a separation between me and "Americans."
So why am I bringing up my past reservations here? Because I know I have unfairly judged in the past and I've grown a lot since then. I've come to India with an entirely open-minded. (I've also pinpointed what it is that bugs me about those few that do actually suck. I'll get to that in a bit). I'm hoping to meet at least a few of the Indian-Americans out here and I've done my best to erase my reservations. I'm excited to meet the folks out here. Really excited! The idea of hanging out with mostly Indian people still really weirds me out but I'm getting more used to it. Interestingly, locals weird me out much less than people from the states.
So let's get back to those few that suck. The last few days, I've been thinking about what it is that annoys me about certain Indian people I know. Revelation. I realized that it's a trait common to most people I don't care for back home. They all seem to live life with a sense of entitlement.
In the states, I'd be in a bar or a club and the Indian people I'm with or another group of Indian people, more often than not, would get into an argument with a server or a bartender or a valet driver. Acting like they were better than the workers. Acting like the worker was extremely subordinate. I'm starting to notice it here too. There is a HUGE class distinction between customer and server here. It really fucking bothers me. It might be the thing that's the hardest for me to accept. I worked at Carl's Junior when I was younger and to know that some service workers support their families through that work has stuck with me. I think about that every time I go out. I think it's important to remember that people are people and to not wholeheartedly buy into the whole customer/server power relationship. (By the way, if you're taking notes at home, a huge turn on to me is when ladies are super loving and respectful to service people.)
A little while before I left Chicago, I ran into my buddy Vivek at a party. He's been living in Mumbai for the last few years and just came back to the states recently. He says, "Hey Vaman. Remember what you said about the Indian kids in college?" I laughed nervously and thought, "Good god, that could be anything." He said, "You said you felt like a rebel. Like an outsider." But it's true. That is how I felt. I know now that it was mostly my own fault. I never tried to connect with them. I totally judged them all based on the few wack people I knew.
The great thing about life is that you can have realizations and evolve as a person. I know you can outwardly celebrate multiple cultures. I plan on giving people a second chance and treating people as individuals instead of labeled members of a group. Oh wait, unless I meet you and you're wearing a very unbuttoned vertical stripe shirt with overly moussed hair. Vivek has assured me that those dudes do not decide to work in India. I'm kidding, you guys are cool too.
My First 10 Days
People like to joke with me that things I get myself into resemble a movie (is it a romantic comedy, a drama or a thriller?). I don't know how true that is or how much I actively try to put myself in ridiculous situations. Either way, the first 10 days in India did not disappoint.
I came here for two main reasons: 1) I've always wanted to live in India 2) My obsession is helping people create and deliver a clear message and there's a huge market for that here. You know how when you move though, you have things you're excited about experiencing once you get to the new place? I had lots of those.
Well, on my second day here, I heard some bad news about one of the activities I was hoping to spend a good deal of my free time on. I had imagined how great the experience would be. To see it kind of fall through before I really settled in was really disappointing. You know when you let yourself get excited about an event or an activity prematurely? How much does that suck? At this point, I definitely felt uneasy. To make things worse, I had to board a 12 hour bus ride to Goa. I fell asleep and woke up on a sunny morning.
Life is funny. Sometimes the smallest events (or people) can offer the most perspective. I arrived at my cousins' place in Goa to see their baby daughter sleeping. She's a tiny little thing with super curly hair. I wasn't sure if she'd remember me after 3 months. She woke up and was super shy for a few minutes. Then she finally looked at me and said, "GULLLLI!" (That's what my family and old time friends call me. My middle name is Gururaj and my sister couldn't pronounce it and said Gulli instead. All the little kids here call me GULLLLI). I hung out with her the entire day. At one point, she stood on a pillow and screamed, "Haav big usa!" (which means I'm big) and then she jumped off the pillow and screamed, "Haav saan usa!" (which means I'm small). We both couldn't stop laughing.
Later that night, my cousin took me out to the coast. We stood on the beach under a sky full of stars. I kind of smiled to myself and thought, "I am standing at the Arabian Sea looking at stars." We ate ridiculous seafood and drank our share of Kingfisher outside near the beach that night.
To get a kid's world view and then to experience the universe, in a sense, on the same day was a great feeling. The next few days were filled with a really fun wedding in Goa (filled with some amazing conversations with a really diverse crowd), a sunrise conversation with a good friend back home and more cousin time. I boarded my bus back to Bangalore excited to sleep. As soon as I sat down, the guy next to me started chatting me up. This is rare but I was pretty annoyed at first. That is until this guy started telling me about his life.
If my time in India had not already been surreal enough, get this story! He's a fish salesman in Panjim, the capital of Goa. He wakes up at 2 or 3 am every morning to take a bus to Margao, a neighboring town, to buy fresh fish. He works 6 days a week. One day a white looking dude was walking around the fish market and points over at him. Turns out the guy is a director and casts this boy for a part in an independent film. I was really skeptical of the story. I ate dinner with him that night at a rest stop (where he offered to pay) and he told me about his experience at SUNDANCE! Then he showed me a magazine with his picture on the cover. Anyway, his life has been less than wonderful. He's dealt with all sorts of shit most of us never have to think about. He's not well off by any means. He gave the money he made from the movie to his mom and sisters and kept a little for himself. He was on his way to an interview about the movie in Bangalore. I was really happy for him.
I spent the next night at another cousin's house. She kept telling stories as I was falling asleep. She was speaking in Konkani and it felt like she was telling us a bedtime story. After a while, she turned to my unmarried cousin and said, "You know what your problem is?" I thought, "Oh Lord, here we go with some wedding stuff." She backtracked a little and said, "You know what all of our problems are? Whether we choose to participate or sit back and watch, life is still moving on. Sometimes an event occurs. Sometimes something bad happens. We get so stuck on the outcome of that event that we stop participating. Life is going to go on either way. You guys should participate."
I have a bunch of other posts coming up about business prospects that are in the works, food, bathroom adventures, and lots of other stuff. After 10 days though, what have I learned? Life brings about events that are both good and bad. More often than not, we don't have control over the outcome of an event. We do however, have control over how we react to that outcome. We have control over what we learn and that allows us to become proactive in the future. I don't know if I've ever been this excited about something I've worked on. I know that all of my expectations are not going to get met. Movies always have twists and turns though right? Just wait until you see the surprise ending.
Welcome to India
I kept telling people that everything wouldn't hit me until I got off the plane in Bangalore. Strangely, I got off the plane and felt normal, almost comfortable. I stood outside waiting for my ride and that's when things sunk in. I saw a Kati Roll, which reminded me of New York and people back home. Then I heard a family speaking a language I didn't recognize and then laughing together. I looked around and EVERYONE was Indian! I mean every last person. I started thinking about how much I was going to miss diversity and peoples' sense of humor back home. That night I got to my uncle's place and ate an amazing Konkani (the language of my people) dinner. I went to my bathroom, turned on the light, said what's up to my roommates (the two cochroaches that I knew would be in the bathroom everynight), and got completely naked to use the bathroom. The bathoom situation out here deserves it's own future post! I looked in the mirror, kind of laughed, turned off the light and went to bed.
Storytelling and the Mind's Eye Picasso
"Our eyes are basically a window from which we view the world. The collection of our experiences create the back story with which we define what it is we're seeing, feeling, and interacting with at any given moment."
I wish I made that up but I didn't. The concept was brought up during a class discussion back in the day and was apparently profound enough to stick in my head this long. The statement is not all that accurate though.
Here's another attempt:
"Our eyes are basically a peephole through which we view the world. The collection of our direct experiences and the narratives we've been offered by the people around us create the back story with which we define what it is we're seeing, feeling, and interacting with at any given moment."
From a window to a peephole is better but I'm still not too excited about it. Sounds kinda like a stripclub peephole too with booty bouncing on the other side. It doesn't quite express the extent to which, whether we accept it or not, we're shortsighted about the world either.
So here's the EXCLUSIVE remix to the remix:
"Our eyes are basically a pinhole (damn, that's tiny right?) through which we view the world. Everything we're able to see through this tiny hole is initially colorless and blurry. The collection of our direct experiences and the narratives we've been offered by the people around us create the back story with which we're able to color in little by little and bring focus to what it is we're seeing, feeling, and interacting with at any given moment."
Wow. That's a lotta words. Here's the cliffnotes version:
"We decide how to define and take action on things around us based on what we have personally experienced and when we're inexperienced at something, we rely on the stories we've been told about the something."
I am constantly thinking about this simple idea because it makes so much sense. A seemingly illogical action taken by someone around us, is perfectly logical to them based on their experience. Also, people around me have been through all sorts of interesting shit. Maybe I could learn something from them!
Marinating on this idea has made me realize that we all interact with the world with a sort of personal tunnel vision based on our preconceived notions. The readily available cure? Listening to people and allowing them to color and bring focus (for better or worse) to an otherwise drab landscape.
1) First in Flight:
I've been to Bachpe Airport (near Mangalore, India) enough times to know that it's terribly small. Small enough to ask passengers to step directly onto the tarmac when landing. During lunch with an elderly relative, we began talking about his childhood. He smiled and said, "I remember the day that Bachpe airport first opened. Nehru was to be the first passenger on the first flight landing at the airport. I took three or four buses and a few boats to get there from Udupi. I didn't even make it on time but I do remember one thing clearly: There were a few car accidents because everyone was staring up at the sky. People had never seen a plane before!"
He went from never seeing a plane to reading the news on the internet everyday today.
2) Under the Covers:
I got to know a girl a while back that I found quite amazing. She was cute, had a great personality, and a great sense of humor. My favorite thing to talk with her about was poetry. She had this passion for poetry that made me want to sit and really contemplate what the writer was trying to say.
She danced in college too. I think she was in one of those cultural shows. She talked about her friends a lot. She spent her free time running and biking around town.
She never seemed to let any guys get close though. I never really understood and kinda wrote her off as a hater. In reality through, she had been sexually abused by a family friend when she was in high school. That experience had altered her view on so much. Continual self image issues and guilt issues over the things that happened. She seemed to feel like it was her fault. It affected everything she tried to do. I hope she's doing really well today. She's pretty awesome.
3) Table for Two:
"We'll seat him outside," one of my relatives said from deep inside her house. She was referring to the Muslim driver that had brought my family to her house. In this rather turbulent town in Kerala, Muslims and lower caste people are not invited into homes. "Then, you can seat me outside too," was my dad's response, who then ate dinner with the driver on the front porch.
4) Taqueria Therapy:
It's no secret that I love taquerias. In the two years I lived in Chicago, I hit up my neighborhood taqueria hundreds of times. To fall in love with a taqueria, it not only needs pretty damn good food but it needs to have personality. Guerzo, the middle-aged, Mexican owner of this spot is what sold me. Over the years, he's seen me in more emotional and mental states than probably anyone else in Chicago. Rough days at work. Life getting me down. Late night drunk eats. I slowly got to know Guerzo, his son and even met his granddaughter. I had never really sat down with him though and asked talked to him about his life.
It happened to be a really slow night on one of my last nights in Chicago. I told Guerzo to sit down with me while I ate and I told him about my plan to move to Bangalore. I told him about the business opportunity and lifelong dream. I also told him how I felt responsible to stay connected to my family in India (and the small towns we're from). Something resonated with him. I asked him if he was worried about his son losing touch with Mexico. Guerzo flashed his usual half smile, half "I'm deep in thought" expression. He began describing the town he grew up in. It was a tiny town just outside of Mexico City.
Hearing the cultural differences between Mexico City and his town reminded me so much of the contrast between Bangalore and our town. If I gave you a written description of the town my family's from and the town Guerzo is from and removed language differences, I think you'd have a hard time telling them apart.
5) Truth Fed Beef:
"Sai Baba of Shirdi (Unknown - October 15, 1918), also known as Shirdi Sai Baba, was an Indian guru and yogi who is regarded by his followers as an incarnation of God. Some of his Hindu devotees believe that he was an incarnation of Shiva or Dattatreya."
I've seen Shirdi Sai Baba's photo up in so many Indian homes. I have no idea about his history or what it is he did. I do know that people worship him like a God. You know what I've never heard about him though?! That's he was a practicing Hindu and Muslim!!
"In his life and teachings he tried to embrace and reconcile both faiths: Sai Baba lived in a mosque, was buried in a Hindu temple, embraced Hindu and Muslim practices, and taught using words and figures that drew from both traditions."
Eat it Hindu and Muslim extremists!
The last two days I've heard stories about dealing with an alcoholic dad, growing up in a biracial family, hiding relationships from your conservative parents, communication mishaps with a girlfriend, an immigrant's first impressions of America, and how scary typhoid used to be. All stories from friends I was kickin' it with and people around me.
We're all inherently different. Hearing the differences, as wacky as it sounds, helps us understand the people around us and understand ourselves better. It takes a conscious effort to not just accept what we're hearing as truth but to marinate on experiences and stories and decide for ourselves how the story applies to our lives.
Once in a while though our tiny pinhole viewers actually overlap. We find familiarity in the most unlikely person or thing. I think that's what humanity is: the common threads that are always there but often take a little deeper digging to uncover. Digging past the iphones, the ipods, the twitter, the facebook status messages. Past the makeup, the jewelry, and stunner shades. Past the Hills, the Kardashians, and reality TV. Only essentials are left. We're left with me and you, trying to understand each other through tiny pinholes with our experiences and stories.
So here's a challenge. What if we spent a day or even a week consciously trying to find the overlap of the pinholes instead of the obvious differences?
I'll be around for a month or so before I roll to the Motherland and hope to be writing more often. Thanks for all the love! Please feel free to comment on this post with your own experiences or short stories you've heard.
I wish I made that up but I didn't. The concept was brought up during a class discussion back in the day and was apparently profound enough to stick in my head this long. The statement is not all that accurate though.
Here's another attempt:
"Our eyes are basically a peephole through which we view the world. The collection of our direct experiences and the narratives we've been offered by the people around us create the back story with which we define what it is we're seeing, feeling, and interacting with at any given moment."
From a window to a peephole is better but I'm still not too excited about it. Sounds kinda like a stripclub peephole too with booty bouncing on the other side. It doesn't quite express the extent to which, whether we accept it or not, we're shortsighted about the world either.
So here's the EXCLUSIVE remix to the remix:
"Our eyes are basically a pinhole (damn, that's tiny right?) through which we view the world. Everything we're able to see through this tiny hole is initially colorless and blurry. The collection of our direct experiences and the narratives we've been offered by the people around us create the back story with which we're able to color in little by little and bring focus to what it is we're seeing, feeling, and interacting with at any given moment."
Wow. That's a lotta words. Here's the cliffnotes version:
"We decide how to define and take action on things around us based on what we have personally experienced and when we're inexperienced at something, we rely on the stories we've been told about the something."
I am constantly thinking about this simple idea because it makes so much sense. A seemingly illogical action taken by someone around us, is perfectly logical to them based on their experience. Also, people around me have been through all sorts of interesting shit. Maybe I could learn something from them!
Marinating on this idea has made me realize that we all interact with the world with a sort of personal tunnel vision based on our preconceived notions. The readily available cure? Listening to people and allowing them to color and bring focus (for better or worse) to an otherwise drab landscape.
1) First in Flight:
I've been to Bachpe Airport (near Mangalore, India) enough times to know that it's terribly small. Small enough to ask passengers to step directly onto the tarmac when landing. During lunch with an elderly relative, we began talking about his childhood. He smiled and said, "I remember the day that Bachpe airport first opened. Nehru was to be the first passenger on the first flight landing at the airport. I took three or four buses and a few boats to get there from Udupi. I didn't even make it on time but I do remember one thing clearly: There were a few car accidents because everyone was staring up at the sky. People had never seen a plane before!"
He went from never seeing a plane to reading the news on the internet everyday today.
2) Under the Covers:
I got to know a girl a while back that I found quite amazing. She was cute, had a great personality, and a great sense of humor. My favorite thing to talk with her about was poetry. She had this passion for poetry that made me want to sit and really contemplate what the writer was trying to say.
She danced in college too. I think she was in one of those cultural shows. She talked about her friends a lot. She spent her free time running and biking around town.
She never seemed to let any guys get close though. I never really understood and kinda wrote her off as a hater. In reality through, she had been sexually abused by a family friend when she was in high school. That experience had altered her view on so much. Continual self image issues and guilt issues over the things that happened. She seemed to feel like it was her fault. It affected everything she tried to do. I hope she's doing really well today. She's pretty awesome.
3) Table for Two:
"We'll seat him outside," one of my relatives said from deep inside her house. She was referring to the Muslim driver that had brought my family to her house. In this rather turbulent town in Kerala, Muslims and lower caste people are not invited into homes. "Then, you can seat me outside too," was my dad's response, who then ate dinner with the driver on the front porch.
4) Taqueria Therapy:
It's no secret that I love taquerias. In the two years I lived in Chicago, I hit up my neighborhood taqueria hundreds of times. To fall in love with a taqueria, it not only needs pretty damn good food but it needs to have personality. Guerzo, the middle-aged, Mexican owner of this spot is what sold me. Over the years, he's seen me in more emotional and mental states than probably anyone else in Chicago. Rough days at work. Life getting me down. Late night drunk eats. I slowly got to know Guerzo, his son and even met his granddaughter. I had never really sat down with him though and asked talked to him about his life.
It happened to be a really slow night on one of my last nights in Chicago. I told Guerzo to sit down with me while I ate and I told him about my plan to move to Bangalore. I told him about the business opportunity and lifelong dream. I also told him how I felt responsible to stay connected to my family in India (and the small towns we're from). Something resonated with him. I asked him if he was worried about his son losing touch with Mexico. Guerzo flashed his usual half smile, half "I'm deep in thought" expression. He began describing the town he grew up in. It was a tiny town just outside of Mexico City.
Hearing the cultural differences between Mexico City and his town reminded me so much of the contrast between Bangalore and our town. If I gave you a written description of the town my family's from and the town Guerzo is from and removed language differences, I think you'd have a hard time telling them apart.
5) Truth Fed Beef:
"Sai Baba of Shirdi (Unknown - October 15, 1918), also known as Shirdi Sai Baba, was an Indian guru and yogi who is regarded by his followers as an incarnation of God. Some of his Hindu devotees believe that he was an incarnation of Shiva or Dattatreya."
I've seen Shirdi Sai Baba's photo up in so many Indian homes. I have no idea about his history or what it is he did. I do know that people worship him like a God. You know what I've never heard about him though?! That's he was a practicing Hindu and Muslim!!
"In his life and teachings he tried to embrace and reconcile both faiths: Sai Baba lived in a mosque, was buried in a Hindu temple, embraced Hindu and Muslim practices, and taught using words and figures that drew from both traditions."
Eat it Hindu and Muslim extremists!
The last two days I've heard stories about dealing with an alcoholic dad, growing up in a biracial family, hiding relationships from your conservative parents, communication mishaps with a girlfriend, an immigrant's first impressions of America, and how scary typhoid used to be. All stories from friends I was kickin' it with and people around me.
We're all inherently different. Hearing the differences, as wacky as it sounds, helps us understand the people around us and understand ourselves better. It takes a conscious effort to not just accept what we're hearing as truth but to marinate on experiences and stories and decide for ourselves how the story applies to our lives.
Once in a while though our tiny pinhole viewers actually overlap. We find familiarity in the most unlikely person or thing. I think that's what humanity is: the common threads that are always there but often take a little deeper digging to uncover. Digging past the iphones, the ipods, the twitter, the facebook status messages. Past the makeup, the jewelry, and stunner shades. Past the Hills, the Kardashians, and reality TV. Only essentials are left. We're left with me and you, trying to understand each other through tiny pinholes with our experiences and stories.
So here's a challenge. What if we spent a day or even a week consciously trying to find the overlap of the pinholes instead of the obvious differences?
I'll be around for a month or so before I roll to the Motherland and hope to be writing more often. Thanks for all the love! Please feel free to comment on this post with your own experiences or short stories you've heard.
In Search of Success
Friday, April 3rd was my last day at work here in Chicago. As crazy as it sounds, I quit my job. I'm leaving a great job and an extremely comfortable lifestyle in a city that often feels as if it's been custom made for me (half off night at the Tin Lizzie, I shall miss you). So what am I going after? An ideal. A feeling. It's kind of a deep down intuition of what I'm supposed to do. A search for something that's been missing.
I'll be going after two lifelong dreams: living in India and starting my own public speaking consulting firm.
I can't describe the feeling I've had the last few weeks. It's been unbelievable and surreal even at its low points. To think about things for so long and to have so many conversations with people about them is one thing but that moment of clarity when I decided to quit and go for it is hard to describe. After my trip to India (which was a month ago but feels like it was a year ago), I reflected a lot about what success means to me.
It's always been difficult for me to accept the way we try to create a common ideal for defining what success looks like. When we do this, it's hard not to simplify things into metrics. We evaluate each other based on schools attended, lifestyles led, salaries earned, etc. We strive to someday get a piece of society's success pie. You want whip cream on that? But I'm starting to realize how insane and unhappy that makes us.
How can a group try to define something so abstract as the meaning of success? We all have different desires, likes, dislikes and aspirations in our everyday lives. So shouldn't our individual notion of what success means be just as unique as we are? I felt a lot better about life when I thought about it like this: Sit and think about what a few friends want to do with their lives. How they specifically live their lives now and how they would like their lives to be in the future. More often than not, we're not vying for slices of the same pie. We should be in line to order our very own personalized pie (I don't even really like pie, I hope the world hasn't run out of cupcakes).
I used to get kind of distressed when I heard about peoples' accomplishments. I would get really happy for the person but then start questioning myself. I asked myself, "Why is so-so and making shit happen and I'm not? When am I gonna do what I've always wanted to do? Why is Mark in China playing with Pandas and I'm sitting at work?" There were no answers to these questions because they have no actionable response. I'm not sure why, but one day the questions changed. "What makes me happy? What am I passionate about? What wouldn't I mind dedicating more of my time to outside of work? What would be the most fulfilling job? (whattup Dr. Phil) I answered the questions honestly and as crappy as the answers were sometimes, they forced me to be real with myself. And the result? I stopped thinking that maybe I should be doing what others were doing. You're a doctor? Awesome. You work at Google/Facebook? Sweet. You sell drugs? Questionable. I totally stopped thinking about alternative professions and paths for myself. All because the questions changed. That realization has given me all the confidence to take this crazy leap of faith.
The point of all this is that we should strive to define our own success pie. You might want to be the dynamic mom/dad you've always wanted to be or become the public service leader you've always wanted to become. The pie is ours to create and each definition of success is not limited to any one thing. You can mix toppings my friend. I won't tell. And we shouldn't feel bad when people don't understand our passion because as long as we're being honest with ourselves, success should mean something different to each of us.
Knowing that I'm going to be leaving Chicago and then leaving the Bay (again) has also made me think about the people in my life a lot. Like I wrote to my friends here in Chicago, I've always believed that I'm the collective reflection of the people and experiences I've come across in my life, so I can't thank the people around me enough for adding so much to that. Whether I'm here in Chicago or on the other side of the world, I'll always have those experiences to draw from. I get so much energy from people. I feed off them (I'm not literally eating them, seafood only for this guy). A friend came out to visit a while back and said how he couldn't wait to see what crazy thing I had planned to make the trip memorable. That meant a lot because I think that should be a big part of life. Being with people and experiencing new things. Tasting things you've never tasted and seeing things you've never seen and feeling a way you've never felt. That intangible that makes moments memorable. I'm lucky enough to have people in my life that are continually doing that for me.
A dinner conversation the other night kind of sums the last month. A doctor buddy and I finish dinner and here's how the conversation went.
Buddy: "Okay, we should probably head home. Early morning for me. I'm drilling into someone's skull tomorrow. Glad we had dinner. It's really admirable what you're doing."
Me: "Hey thanks that means a lot. Wait what, you're drilling into a live person's skull?"
Buddy: "Yeah. (makes drill motion) Right into their skull. So yeah, I would not have the balls to do what you're doing."
Me: "Dude, are you fucking serious? Wait, what if you hit their brain? What's the allowable margin of error on something like that?"
Buddy: "Really really microscopic. No worries though. Anyway, maybe it's my profession but I'm much too risk averse to take a leap the way you are."
But not too risk averse to drill into a human skull! Obviously he's got his pie and I've got mine.
If you're in Chicago.... it's been a ridiculous two years. It's going down tomorrow. Look sharp.
If you're in the Bay.... fire up the BBQ - dust off the beach chairs. I'm coming home for a bit.
And if you're in India.... get ready. I'll be there soon.
So to all of you out there trying to make shit happen: props to your success and continual effort towards new success. Thanks for the inspiration. I think I'm ready to define and try to reach my own.
I'll be going after two lifelong dreams: living in India and starting my own public speaking consulting firm.
I can't describe the feeling I've had the last few weeks. It's been unbelievable and surreal even at its low points. To think about things for so long and to have so many conversations with people about them is one thing but that moment of clarity when I decided to quit and go for it is hard to describe. After my trip to India (which was a month ago but feels like it was a year ago), I reflected a lot about what success means to me.
It's always been difficult for me to accept the way we try to create a common ideal for defining what success looks like. When we do this, it's hard not to simplify things into metrics. We evaluate each other based on schools attended, lifestyles led, salaries earned, etc. We strive to someday get a piece of society's success pie. You want whip cream on that? But I'm starting to realize how insane and unhappy that makes us.
How can a group try to define something so abstract as the meaning of success? We all have different desires, likes, dislikes and aspirations in our everyday lives. So shouldn't our individual notion of what success means be just as unique as we are? I felt a lot better about life when I thought about it like this: Sit and think about what a few friends want to do with their lives. How they specifically live their lives now and how they would like their lives to be in the future. More often than not, we're not vying for slices of the same pie. We should be in line to order our very own personalized pie (I don't even really like pie, I hope the world hasn't run out of cupcakes).
I used to get kind of distressed when I heard about peoples' accomplishments. I would get really happy for the person but then start questioning myself. I asked myself, "Why is so-so and making shit happen and I'm not? When am I gonna do what I've always wanted to do? Why is Mark in China playing with Pandas and I'm sitting at work?" There were no answers to these questions because they have no actionable response. I'm not sure why, but one day the questions changed. "What makes me happy? What am I passionate about? What wouldn't I mind dedicating more of my time to outside of work? What would be the most fulfilling job? (whattup Dr. Phil) I answered the questions honestly and as crappy as the answers were sometimes, they forced me to be real with myself. And the result? I stopped thinking that maybe I should be doing what others were doing. You're a doctor? Awesome. You work at Google/Facebook? Sweet. You sell drugs? Questionable. I totally stopped thinking about alternative professions and paths for myself. All because the questions changed. That realization has given me all the confidence to take this crazy leap of faith.
The point of all this is that we should strive to define our own success pie. You might want to be the dynamic mom/dad you've always wanted to be or become the public service leader you've always wanted to become. The pie is ours to create and each definition of success is not limited to any one thing. You can mix toppings my friend. I won't tell. And we shouldn't feel bad when people don't understand our passion because as long as we're being honest with ourselves, success should mean something different to each of us.
Knowing that I'm going to be leaving Chicago and then leaving the Bay (again) has also made me think about the people in my life a lot. Like I wrote to my friends here in Chicago, I've always believed that I'm the collective reflection of the people and experiences I've come across in my life, so I can't thank the people around me enough for adding so much to that. Whether I'm here in Chicago or on the other side of the world, I'll always have those experiences to draw from. I get so much energy from people. I feed off them (I'm not literally eating them, seafood only for this guy). A friend came out to visit a while back and said how he couldn't wait to see what crazy thing I had planned to make the trip memorable. That meant a lot because I think that should be a big part of life. Being with people and experiencing new things. Tasting things you've never tasted and seeing things you've never seen and feeling a way you've never felt. That intangible that makes moments memorable. I'm lucky enough to have people in my life that are continually doing that for me.
A dinner conversation the other night kind of sums the last month. A doctor buddy and I finish dinner and here's how the conversation went.
Buddy: "Okay, we should probably head home. Early morning for me. I'm drilling into someone's skull tomorrow. Glad we had dinner. It's really admirable what you're doing."
Me: "Hey thanks that means a lot. Wait what, you're drilling into a live person's skull?"
Buddy: "Yeah. (makes drill motion) Right into their skull. So yeah, I would not have the balls to do what you're doing."
Me: "Dude, are you fucking serious? Wait, what if you hit their brain? What's the allowable margin of error on something like that?"
Buddy: "Really really microscopic. No worries though. Anyway, maybe it's my profession but I'm much too risk averse to take a leap the way you are."
But not too risk averse to drill into a human skull! Obviously he's got his pie and I've got mine.
If you're in Chicago.... it's been a ridiculous two years. It's going down tomorrow. Look sharp.
If you're in the Bay.... fire up the BBQ - dust off the beach chairs. I'm coming home for a bit.
And if you're in India.... get ready. I'll be there soon.
So to all of you out there trying to make shit happen: props to your success and continual effort towards new success. Thanks for the inspiration. I think I'm ready to define and try to reach my own.
The Moment
Two women that couldn't be more unrelated and yet what one said and what the other one did have defined who I am.
A couple thousand people gathered around Central Park in San Ramon on what I remember being a ridiculously clear May day in 1999. A few buddies and I put together a march to show support for the victims of the Columbine High tragedy. There were free shirts, and music, and politicians, and all sorts of hullabaloo. There were newspaper reporters, parents and school faculty. To be honest, I don't remember much of that stuff. But I'll never forget what Mary from Monte Vista said to me during the event. The entire day summed up in one interaction. That moment is so vivid in my mind. I can almost taste the air and see the way her hair was blowing in the wind. She caught up to me along the marching route and said, "Thank you for making me feel a part of something bigger than myself."
I don't fare well after I eat palau (kind of like rice pilaf with nuts and other stuff in it) in India. My cousin Vittaloo had a pooja in Mysore and I stupidly ate a bunch of palau. Almost like clockwork I started throwing up on the long ride back home. We stopped so many times, I lost track of how many times I heaved. We tried sticking a lemon near my nose and using hot towels on my head, but that palau wanted to party.
One stop was different than the rest. I ran out of the car and threw up only to realize I had thrown up on someone's doorstep. It was makeshift house made from garbade bags and gathered materials. I had basically desecrated what would have been the equavalent of their porch. A woman immediately saw me. I didn't know what to do or say. Without hesitation she walked out of sight. Moments later she came back with a bucket full of water and motioned for me to wash my face. I washed my face and rinsed out my mouth as she cleaned off the front of her property. She was so calm and when she wasn't calm she was worried. She was worried about my well-being. I tried to say thanks but she didn't understand or care for accolades. She did what she thought was right. She never spoke a single word to me and yet I make a point to think about her almost everyday.
Life is about feeling a part of something bigger than yourself. Humans crave those moments. The moments where we see the humanity in others and they in us. We understand what "together" means. My life's dream, began with two chance events. A girl spoke, a woman acted and an insatiable hunger to create similar moments and similar feelings for the people in my life was born in me. If someday, people feel like they've gotten that feeling from things that I've been apart of, then I've succeeded. I talk and talk about this idea or that idea. There's really not much stopping me. It's time to eat.
A couple thousand people gathered around Central Park in San Ramon on what I remember being a ridiculously clear May day in 1999. A few buddies and I put together a march to show support for the victims of the Columbine High tragedy. There were free shirts, and music, and politicians, and all sorts of hullabaloo. There were newspaper reporters, parents and school faculty. To be honest, I don't remember much of that stuff. But I'll never forget what Mary from Monte Vista said to me during the event. The entire day summed up in one interaction. That moment is so vivid in my mind. I can almost taste the air and see the way her hair was blowing in the wind. She caught up to me along the marching route and said, "Thank you for making me feel a part of something bigger than myself."
I don't fare well after I eat palau (kind of like rice pilaf with nuts and other stuff in it) in India. My cousin Vittaloo had a pooja in Mysore and I stupidly ate a bunch of palau. Almost like clockwork I started throwing up on the long ride back home. We stopped so many times, I lost track of how many times I heaved. We tried sticking a lemon near my nose and using hot towels on my head, but that palau wanted to party.
One stop was different than the rest. I ran out of the car and threw up only to realize I had thrown up on someone's doorstep. It was makeshift house made from garbade bags and gathered materials. I had basically desecrated what would have been the equavalent of their porch. A woman immediately saw me. I didn't know what to do or say. Without hesitation she walked out of sight. Moments later she came back with a bucket full of water and motioned for me to wash my face. I washed my face and rinsed out my mouth as she cleaned off the front of her property. She was so calm and when she wasn't calm she was worried. She was worried about my well-being. I tried to say thanks but she didn't understand or care for accolades. She did what she thought was right. She never spoke a single word to me and yet I make a point to think about her almost everyday.
Life is about feeling a part of something bigger than yourself. Humans crave those moments. The moments where we see the humanity in others and they in us. We understand what "together" means. My life's dream, began with two chance events. A girl spoke, a woman acted and an insatiable hunger to create similar moments and similar feelings for the people in my life was born in me. If someday, people feel like they've gotten that feeling from things that I've been apart of, then I've succeeded. I talk and talk about this idea or that idea. There's really not much stopping me. It's time to eat.
Prelude: The Next Movement
This is the first of two posts leading up to an invitation for a social experiment that I would love for anyone interested to accept. This post lays the foundation for how my thinking has changed over time and how this small change has made me feel empowered and crazy about life.
The last two years have been about experimentation. Experimentation mostly with drugs and lawlessness.... I'm totally kidding. Experimentation with small adjustments and readjustments in my everyday life. Running before or after work. Not checking email at home. Drinking X number of water cups before lunch. If a pattern emerged over time with certain actions (consistently feeling awesome after drinking a huge glass of water early in the morning), I incorporated it permanently into my life. Things with not so awesome results (like trying to live off $45 per week), I just adjusted or abandoned. Either way, every tiny experiment gave me lots of insight into all sorts of things about myself and the world around me.
The funny thing about being in control of these tiny things in your life is that they give you the most insight into the gigantic things in your life like defining what's important to you. Lots of people around me seem to be futility trying to come define the most gigantic of these topics, "What do you want to do with your life?" I after messing around with a few experiments, I have come to the conclusion that the question should forever be remixed from, "What do you want to do with your life?" to "What are you doing with your life?" The first question seems to ask for a specific answer that feels very final. Life doesn't work that way though. It's more like an organism that's always evolving. The new question is focused on being productive today so that you're better off tomorrow. Are you moving you towards a better future?
We've become obsessed with the finish line. So much so that the path we take is slowly losing more meaning. Take a step back and we see that the path is composed of laps and each lap can be broken down into meter increment markers. It's a group of strides that allows us to step over each one of these increment markers. Each stride broken down further into individual steps. So why I spend so much time stressing about what career I would like to have next? Why do I anxiously marinate on how insightful living in this country or working for that company could be? This obsession with the finish line has been tripping some of us up even before we can get into our initial stride. We fixate on answering that first question from before so much that it takes time away from moving towards the answer. So why not instead think about goals and back up a bit. What if we then defined a general direction to grow. This direction would have wiggle room and this direction would be evolving as we evolve.
I realized this about half way through 2008. I started whispering "baby steps" to myself when I went on a run or had a productive day. For a long time it didn't really mean anything to me except to bite off small chunks of my goals each day. So I would spend a small amount of time on each step and the rest of the time daydreaming about how sweet it would be if I accomplished my goals, again the finish line. Then one day the "aha!" came.
Babies crawl for a while until one day they decide to move to the next level. Not so different than jumping from college to a career or from company to company. The initial step is foreign yet exciting. The next one feels unbalanced yet good. Here's where babies win out in this analogy. Unlike us, step after shaky step, the toddler is not thinking, "Damn these steps are tiny, I can't wait to run." They're thinking "Holy shit. Wait I can move?" and maybe, "I don't need to cry for those lame gigantic people as much anymore." It's about faith. Not in the guy in the sky sense but in the feeling you have within yourself. Sure the end goal might be to find balance and then run but it's putting foot in front of foot that gets you there. That's what I've been trying to do in my like. To define broad directions I'd like to evolve towards. I'd like to learn languages. I'd like to start my own company. I'd like to live in another country. All very broad paths. Then on the daily I try to keep faith in the fact that if I move a little bit in a direction that feels good today, I'll be better off tomorrow. The result is a growing feeling of clarity and empowerment.
Think about your goals. Understand the direction you need to travel and then have faith in yourself. If you crave another path later, your perspective is still richer than if you were stagnant since, there is no replacement for each individual step.The funny thing about being in control of these tiny things in your life is that they give you the most insight into the gigantic things in your life like defining what's important to you. Lots of people around me seem to be futility trying to come define the most gigantic of these topics, "What do you want to do with your life?" I after messing around with a few experiments, I have come to the conclusion that the question should forever be remixed from, "What do you want to do with your life?" to "What are you doing with your life?" The first question seems to ask for a specific answer that feels very final. Life doesn't work that way though. It's more like an organism that's always evolving. The new question is focused on being productive today so that you're better off tomorrow. Are you moving you towards a better future?
We've become obsessed with the finish line. So much so that the path we take is slowly losing more meaning. Take a step back and we see that the path is composed of laps and each lap can be broken down into meter increment markers. It's a group of strides that allows us to step over each one of these increment markers. Each stride broken down further into individual steps. So why I spend so much time stressing about what career I would like to have next? Why do I anxiously marinate on how insightful living in this country or working for that company could be? This obsession with the finish line has been tripping some of us up even before we can get into our initial stride. We fixate on answering that first question from before so much that it takes time away from moving towards the answer. So why not instead think about goals and back up a bit. What if we then defined a general direction to grow. This direction would have wiggle room and this direction would be evolving as we evolve.
I realized this about half way through 2008. I started whispering "baby steps" to myself when I went on a run or had a productive day. For a long time it didn't really mean anything to me except to bite off small chunks of my goals each day. So I would spend a small amount of time on each step and the rest of the time daydreaming about how sweet it would be if I accomplished my goals, again the finish line. Then one day the "aha!" came.
Babies crawl for a while until one day they decide to move to the next level. Not so different than jumping from college to a career or from company to company. The initial step is foreign yet exciting. The next one feels unbalanced yet good. Here's where babies win out in this analogy. Unlike us, step after shaky step, the toddler is not thinking, "Damn these steps are tiny, I can't wait to run." They're thinking "Holy shit. Wait I can move?" and maybe, "I don't need to cry for those lame gigantic people as much anymore." It's about faith. Not in the guy in the sky sense but in the feeling you have within yourself. Sure the end goal might be to find balance and then run but it's putting foot in front of foot that gets you there. That's what I've been trying to do in my like. To define broad directions I'd like to evolve towards. I'd like to learn languages. I'd like to start my own company. I'd like to live in another country. All very broad paths. Then on the daily I try to keep faith in the fact that if I move a little bit in a direction that feels good today, I'll be better off tomorrow. The result is a growing feeling of clarity and empowerment.
People sometimes comment that I have strangely random interests but they are actually more calculated than I realized before this year. They subscribe to my inner toddler. I try to do things that make life feel more rich and that make me feel good. As lame as that sounds, I wasn't actively doing that before. I tried to cook dinner for friends a lot last year. Maybe I'll own a restaurant in many years. I took Hindi last quarter. Maybe I'll travel all over India and be able to socialize with the locals. I went on a run last week. Maybe I'll finally reach my fitness goals this week. Each might just be one step towards the finish line but tomorrow brings another step and the day after one more and...
" "
I usually like writing my own thoughts but I have a few that I read recently that have been really inspirational. These quotations (along with a bunch more) have been bouncing around my head the past few weeks. Heeeere they are:
"Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." - George Bernard Shaw
How good is this quotation? I've been thinking about this one many times a day. I hope 2009 is about personal revolutions. And who is this George Bernard Shaw? Did he really say all this amazing stuff? Coolio must have said some of it.
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“Stop thinking so much” proved to be the mantra of my subsequent weird career. People ask me all the time how I wound up with my own talk show or how I managed to make it last nine years. The truth is I don’t know. It’s like asking someone “So how did you get hit by a meteor?” My Late Night career has largely been the result of reacting honestly and spontaneously to people and problems around me. I don’t know how I got here and I certainly don’t know where I’m going. This is the essence of my philosophy and coincidentally, the words to most Jimmy Buffet songs. Which reminds me of one last piece of wisdom I heard a running back say about football. He said that despite the best planning and blocking, “the hole is never where it’s supposed to be.” What this man was saying is that real life is about reacting quickly to the opportunity at hand, not the opportunity you envisioned. Not thinking and scheming for the future, but letting it happen and reacting. In this way, life is a lot like football, right down to the part where you pat the ass of the man next to you.” - Conan O'Brien
Most of us over analyze and think situations in our life (at least I do!). I love the idea of preparing for the things coming your way, but expecting to adjust on the fly. Prepare but don't expect.
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"The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete and everything after you bears your mark."
This reminds me to be an individual. Put your essence into everything you touch. Not that essence Jay.
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The next post is going to be about personal goals and I've been marinating on it for a long ass time. I hope you throw up from excitement when you read it.
The Elephant and the Veil
One of the things I miss the most about teaching is the conversations we used to have after class. Me and the other teachers would sit around and talk about our lives. One of the tutors, Matt and I would have these long religious discussions that would always leave me in a more enlightened state. Matt majored in Religious Studies at Stanford and I loved hearing his unbiased view on every religion, whether it be Judaism or Hinduism or any other religion. He had and still has a way of drawing on the parallels across religions, in a world where most people stress the differences.
The hours of discussion and debate we had came to mind this weekend when I was trying to make sense of everything that was happening in Mumbai. At first, I was in shock. I found out in the afternoon at work and couldn't really work the rest of the day. I was supposed to meet up with people that night and instead went to a buddy's place that grew up in Mumbai. As I tried to make sense of everything, I remembered a conversation Matt and I had a few years ago. I asked him why he thought religions focus so much on the differences when there are obviously way more similarities. He eloquently answered something like this: "Think of religion as a huge elephant that is running straight ahead. Each of us is holding onto a small part of the elephant. We see and feel the people that have similar views to us because they are next to us. But we can't see the people on the other side of the animal. We have been told and believe that the small space we occupy is the entire animal. We don't take the time to step back and realize we're all going in the same direction." I totally just paraphrased that whole thing, so sorry Matt but your sentiment was very insightful. That was initially how I made sense of extremists in my head. As the dust settled though, the situation because a little more clear. Terrorism really has nothing to do with religion nor does most things we hear about in the news. Everything is about power. There's war going on all over the world. In India, in Africa, and even on the streets in America. Those in power are fighting to keep those under their power in the dark about opportunity, about hope, about truth.
Shamans in Zimbabwe telling men to rape virgin girls to rid themselves of AIDs, the Rwandan genocide, Hindus practicing widow burning in India, and terror cells recruiting displaced youth in the far reaching corners of the Earth all gained power under the guise of religion but really have nothing more to do than men wanting to keep their power over the masses. They use religion as a veil because in most parts of the world people are much less likely to question religious leaders or those posing as religious leaders. The stuff going on in Mumbai really bothered me because I felt like there was nothing I could do about it but the more I thought about it, the more I felt empowered.
I read someone's facebook away message that said something like, "Time for India to step up and take care of business and kick some ass" or something to that extent. After reading that, one line kept playing in my head over the weekend, "You can kill people but you can't kill ideas." We can go after bad people in this world but their ideas will just be carried on by those around them. This is not a war between good people and bad people. This is a war of ideas. The only way we can solve the problems we're facing is to offer hope and opportunity to those in need. Offer the young of the world positive outlets. The people carrying out these missions are young people like you and me. Their entire moral structure and outlook on life is hijacked at a young age by corrupt people around them. They're never given a chance to make something of themselves. They become "evil" and "soul-less" as one victim described them.
I look to places like Kerala as a great example of what India can become someday. I don't know everything about Kerala but from what I've heard the people regardless if they're Muslim or Christian or Hindu have a large sense of pride in their state. The government gives the people opportunity to progress, which has led to one of the highest female literacy rates in the world. Even in Kasargod, where some of my family lives, you have the occasional Hindu-Muslim protest but it never escalates out of control.
I've been thinking about moving to India for years now. Seeing everything that's happened in the last week only strengthens my desire to go there. There are so many countries in this world with so much potential. I happen to be more familiar with India. I've seen the potential that India has and would love help cultivate some of that. It's always been a life goal of mine to make a positive impact on India and I'm hoping the time comes soon.
Yet we can also do our part at home. The other night I heard people talking about how Muslims were behind the attacks. I could tell in their tone of voice that they were trying to generalize across the religion. I could have gone on for a while to them about how Islam is being misused by these people and about how many people believe some ideas expressed in the Quran are symbolic like the war in the Gita. I didn't want to get that crazy but I explained how they were not sure yet who was behind the attacks and to not to generalize across the religion. I think we can all do our part in this war of ideas.
Educate yourself and then the people around you on issues. Have discussions with people that know more than you and then teach people that know less than you. Honestly, this battle is going to continue until we are long gone. While we're here though, I think it's time we not sit idle but lend our hand to bring opportunity to those forgotten in the world, to bring light to those purposely being held captive in the dark, and to do our best to remove the veil placed in front of us. Maybe one day we can realize we're all riding the same elephant together after all.
The hours of discussion and debate we had came to mind this weekend when I was trying to make sense of everything that was happening in Mumbai. At first, I was in shock. I found out in the afternoon at work and couldn't really work the rest of the day. I was supposed to meet up with people that night and instead went to a buddy's place that grew up in Mumbai. As I tried to make sense of everything, I remembered a conversation Matt and I had a few years ago. I asked him why he thought religions focus so much on the differences when there are obviously way more similarities. He eloquently answered something like this: "Think of religion as a huge elephant that is running straight ahead. Each of us is holding onto a small part of the elephant. We see and feel the people that have similar views to us because they are next to us. But we can't see the people on the other side of the animal. We have been told and believe that the small space we occupy is the entire animal. We don't take the time to step back and realize we're all going in the same direction." I totally just paraphrased that whole thing, so sorry Matt but your sentiment was very insightful. That was initially how I made sense of extremists in my head. As the dust settled though, the situation because a little more clear. Terrorism really has nothing to do with religion nor does most things we hear about in the news. Everything is about power. There's war going on all over the world. In India, in Africa, and even on the streets in America. Those in power are fighting to keep those under their power in the dark about opportunity, about hope, about truth.
Shamans in Zimbabwe telling men to rape virgin girls to rid themselves of AIDs, the Rwandan genocide, Hindus practicing widow burning in India, and terror cells recruiting displaced youth in the far reaching corners of the Earth all gained power under the guise of religion but really have nothing more to do than men wanting to keep their power over the masses. They use religion as a veil because in most parts of the world people are much less likely to question religious leaders or those posing as religious leaders. The stuff going on in Mumbai really bothered me because I felt like there was nothing I could do about it but the more I thought about it, the more I felt empowered.
I read someone's facebook away message that said something like, "Time for India to step up and take care of business and kick some ass" or something to that extent. After reading that, one line kept playing in my head over the weekend, "You can kill people but you can't kill ideas." We can go after bad people in this world but their ideas will just be carried on by those around them. This is not a war between good people and bad people. This is a war of ideas. The only way we can solve the problems we're facing is to offer hope and opportunity to those in need. Offer the young of the world positive outlets. The people carrying out these missions are young people like you and me. Their entire moral structure and outlook on life is hijacked at a young age by corrupt people around them. They're never given a chance to make something of themselves. They become "evil" and "soul-less" as one victim described them.
I look to places like Kerala as a great example of what India can become someday. I don't know everything about Kerala but from what I've heard the people regardless if they're Muslim or Christian or Hindu have a large sense of pride in their state. The government gives the people opportunity to progress, which has led to one of the highest female literacy rates in the world. Even in Kasargod, where some of my family lives, you have the occasional Hindu-Muslim protest but it never escalates out of control.
I've been thinking about moving to India for years now. Seeing everything that's happened in the last week only strengthens my desire to go there. There are so many countries in this world with so much potential. I happen to be more familiar with India. I've seen the potential that India has and would love help cultivate some of that. It's always been a life goal of mine to make a positive impact on India and I'm hoping the time comes soon.
Yet we can also do our part at home. The other night I heard people talking about how Muslims were behind the attacks. I could tell in their tone of voice that they were trying to generalize across the religion. I could have gone on for a while to them about how Islam is being misused by these people and about how many people believe some ideas expressed in the Quran are symbolic like the war in the Gita. I didn't want to get that crazy but I explained how they were not sure yet who was behind the attacks and to not to generalize across the religion. I think we can all do our part in this war of ideas.
Educate yourself and then the people around you on issues. Have discussions with people that know more than you and then teach people that know less than you. Honestly, this battle is going to continue until we are long gone. While we're here though, I think it's time we not sit idle but lend our hand to bring opportunity to those forgotten in the world, to bring light to those purposely being held captive in the dark, and to do our best to remove the veil placed in front of us. Maybe one day we can realize we're all riding the same elephant together after all.
Hermann Hesse
Before I had turned to look at the guy next to me I had overheard him speaking about his past. He looked a little too clean and professional. I asked him anyway, "I bet you've seen every animal dude but which one do you love the most?" It was an honest question as much as a way for me to see if this guy was for real. "Elephants are quite smart you see," he said. "They will only drink clean water. In one of our Mozambique reserves we have a large watering hole for the animals. All of the park animals drink from the stagnant water in the hole. The elephants though somehow always seek out the source of the water and drink straight from the pipe before it enters the hole. Amazing right? But listen, even ants take care of one another. If only we took care of one another as much ants. Everything from the elephant to the single ant. They are all magnificent. Even the single ant"
In the last month I have had conversations with a lifelong safari leader from South Africa, a "h.o.o.d" guy from Los Angeles (that's what he kept calling himself), and two recent young Gujurati immigrants that work nearby. I ran into each one of them when I really needed an ear to listen to me (I think they did too). I will get back to these random people in a bit.
I feel like I have lived an entire lifetime since the middle of May. One of my friends got married in Texas at the craziest wedding I have ever seen, I saw Stevie Wonder and B.B. King live in Chicago, and spent some time at home (although home is a little weird right now with all the construction on our house). Oh I became Uncle Vaman too and that was all just June! July began with the Konkani convention. My mind was blown after the convention (and still is in a lot of ways). The thoughts I heard young people voice were really fresh and some of the people I met were memorable to say the least. My parents also kind of decided that they should help me along if I decide to start my own business venture. A lifelong family friend got married the following weekend, so I was back in the Bay. Amazingly the summer only got more intense from that point on.
Like I said, it has felt like a lifetime. It's been extraordinary in great ways and in awful ways. Just as any lifetime experiences. From the third week in July on here is a laundry list of the good, the great and the awful.
I went camping in Madison (which reminded me how much I love the outdoors). I went to Madison for a bachelor party. I tried Nepali food for the first time and loved it (it was similar to Chinese food in India). I saw Radiohead, Rage Against the Machine, Kanye West, and Lupe Fiasco at Lolla. I went on a super health kick cooking all the time. Oh wait, I also went on a eat out every meal kick for some time (still on that one). I met a couple people that may play an important roll in my life later on. My buddy Shawn got married one morning in our neighborhood. That warm and loving morning sun was shining on us. I looked around and felt so fortunate to know the people sitting around me. I got super homesick (which I have never been before). I had six college buddies staying with me for a weekend and an old roommate live with me for a week to give me a piece of home out here in Chicago. I got excited about a girl. I got stressed about little things in life like traffic. I let little everyday battles affect my mood in a negative way. Someone I knew took their own life. He was younger than me and it disturbed me how someone that seemed so happy could be in such pain inside. It made no sense to me and I felt regret for not reaching out to him. I felt ashamed to have been stressed about inconsequential things for so long and letting that affect my interactions with him. I let go of a lot of things that were going on because I needed things to settle down. A group of folks came to visit from the Bay and they probably have no idea how nice it was to see them and feel home for a second time this summer. Football started up again and I enjoyed many a Saturday and Sunday with homies in a bar. We found a bar with a $2 all you can eat tater tot mini bar. Not to mention $2 giant beer drafts. I saw Redbull Flugtag and the Chicago Airshow, which were both super fun. A very kind middle-aged man on my floor passed away. He always said something hip to me on the elevator. He was a huge Cubs fan and I had been meaning to take him out for a drink and catch a game. I hope the Cubs go far in the playoffs this year. Computer programming began to make sense. I taught people on my team at work how to program. I began teaching public speaking. The 8th graders I taught were incredible and inspirational. So many visitors came out to Chicago this summer. I'm very glad people have never been to Chicago and want to visit.
It's was a packed summer. The sad parts of it left me utterly lost. I walked around my block a lot. The other day I had what we call in design the "AHA" moment. It's was based on advice someone gave me earlier this summer:
"You know when you're doing something and you get that amazing positive feeling? (That great burning feeling in your heart). That's when you know you're doing something inline with your values (true self). Try focusing on those things and cutting out the other stuff."
Her point was that we have the choice of what we want to do (to some extent). Actively focus on the shit you really want to do. Stop going with the flow so much. Yayyuh? Yayyuh!
It's so simple but I had never sat down to think about it. So I did. Hmmmmm. India gives me that feeling. Meeting with a group of people I'm designing something for gives me that feeling. Teaching gives me that feeling. AHA! All of these things have merely been vehicles. I love hearing stories. It's about connection. It's about trying to make that connection with people. Hearing personal stories. It's what their stories say about them. Any story gives you so much more insight into a person than if they described themselves. Lending an ear to the voiceless. Drawing connections between people that would have never seen the connection between themselves.
The South African guide and I talked about the natural world and religion. I heard about how the Subway workers' families are still in Gujurat and felt how hard it must be for them to be alone in America. These are just two random groups of people I ran into on separate nights. Now think of all the people you know. People all around us have stories they want or even need to tell and it took me needing to get things off of my mind to remember that. I hope I get to thank them (and you) for listening. At some point, I would love to hear what feel good things you like doing in your life.
In the last month I have had conversations with a lifelong safari leader from South Africa, a "h.o.o.d" guy from Los Angeles (that's what he kept calling himself), and two recent young Gujurati immigrants that work nearby. I ran into each one of them when I really needed an ear to listen to me (I think they did too). I will get back to these random people in a bit.
I feel like I have lived an entire lifetime since the middle of May. One of my friends got married in Texas at the craziest wedding I have ever seen, I saw Stevie Wonder and B.B. King live in Chicago, and spent some time at home (although home is a little weird right now with all the construction on our house). Oh I became Uncle Vaman too and that was all just June! July began with the Konkani convention. My mind was blown after the convention (and still is in a lot of ways). The thoughts I heard young people voice were really fresh and some of the people I met were memorable to say the least. My parents also kind of decided that they should help me along if I decide to start my own business venture. A lifelong family friend got married the following weekend, so I was back in the Bay. Amazingly the summer only got more intense from that point on.
Like I said, it has felt like a lifetime. It's been extraordinary in great ways and in awful ways. Just as any lifetime experiences. From the third week in July on here is a laundry list of the good, the great and the awful.
I went camping in Madison (which reminded me how much I love the outdoors). I went to Madison for a bachelor party. I tried Nepali food for the first time and loved it (it was similar to Chinese food in India). I saw Radiohead, Rage Against the Machine, Kanye West, and Lupe Fiasco at Lolla. I went on a super health kick cooking all the time. Oh wait, I also went on a eat out every meal kick for some time (still on that one). I met a couple people that may play an important roll in my life later on. My buddy Shawn got married one morning in our neighborhood. That warm and loving morning sun was shining on us. I looked around and felt so fortunate to know the people sitting around me. I got super homesick (which I have never been before). I had six college buddies staying with me for a weekend and an old roommate live with me for a week to give me a piece of home out here in Chicago. I got excited about a girl. I got stressed about little things in life like traffic. I let little everyday battles affect my mood in a negative way. Someone I knew took their own life. He was younger than me and it disturbed me how someone that seemed so happy could be in such pain inside. It made no sense to me and I felt regret for not reaching out to him. I felt ashamed to have been stressed about inconsequential things for so long and letting that affect my interactions with him. I let go of a lot of things that were going on because I needed things to settle down. A group of folks came to visit from the Bay and they probably have no idea how nice it was to see them and feel home for a second time this summer. Football started up again and I enjoyed many a Saturday and Sunday with homies in a bar. We found a bar with a $2 all you can eat tater tot mini bar. Not to mention $2 giant beer drafts. I saw Redbull Flugtag and the Chicago Airshow, which were both super fun. A very kind middle-aged man on my floor passed away. He always said something hip to me on the elevator. He was a huge Cubs fan and I had been meaning to take him out for a drink and catch a game. I hope the Cubs go far in the playoffs this year. Computer programming began to make sense. I taught people on my team at work how to program. I began teaching public speaking. The 8th graders I taught were incredible and inspirational. So many visitors came out to Chicago this summer. I'm very glad people have never been to Chicago and want to visit.
It's was a packed summer. The sad parts of it left me utterly lost. I walked around my block a lot. The other day I had what we call in design the "AHA" moment. It's was based on advice someone gave me earlier this summer:
"You know when you're doing something and you get that amazing positive feeling? (That great burning feeling in your heart). That's when you know you're doing something inline with your values (true self). Try focusing on those things and cutting out the other stuff."
Her point was that we have the choice of what we want to do (to some extent). Actively focus on the shit you really want to do. Stop going with the flow so much. Yayyuh? Yayyuh!
It's so simple but I had never sat down to think about it. So I did. Hmmmmm. India gives me that feeling. Meeting with a group of people I'm designing something for gives me that feeling. Teaching gives me that feeling. AHA! All of these things have merely been vehicles. I love hearing stories. It's about connection. It's about trying to make that connection with people. Hearing personal stories. It's what their stories say about them. Any story gives you so much more insight into a person than if they described themselves. Lending an ear to the voiceless. Drawing connections between people that would have never seen the connection between themselves.
The South African guide and I talked about the natural world and religion. I heard about how the Subway workers' families are still in Gujurat and felt how hard it must be for them to be alone in America. These are just two random groups of people I ran into on separate nights. Now think of all the people you know. People all around us have stories they want or even need to tell and it took me needing to get things off of my mind to remember that. I hope I get to thank them (and you) for listening. At some point, I would love to hear what feel good things you like doing in your life.
Introducing....
I love having little side projects if you can't tell. I've always loved writing when I'm stressed or when I want to express myself and can't explain my thoughts to the people around me. So here's a little something something Tyrone and I have been kicking back and forth for a while. Basically an outlet for us to write, post pictures, and express ourselves. The idea was to have our friends submit pieces when they wanted too as well. A celebration of life. Don't you feel like we need more of that?
A place "Where souls gather to play while minds kick back and marinate on life."
Welcome to another chapter in the Mind Marinade Movement.
A place "Where souls gather to play while minds kick back and marinate on life."
Welcome to another chapter in the Mind Marinade Movement.
When I Feel So Good....
You know that feeling you get when you're attracted to someone and you graze hands for the first time? Or right before that first kiss, you close your eyes and for a second your heart stops in anticipation? Intoxication. Addiction. Euphoria. So many adjectives could be used to describe this feeling. Well I haven't had that feeling in a long time. I wish I could say that it's for a lady but alas it tis not! =)
I can still remember my first time. I was nervous, having never experienced such things. I walked in and sat down. Without notice the event began. My natural reflex was to close my eyes and take deep breathes. As the music danced around the room it was almost as though I wasn't listening to it but rather I was inhaling it. Like it was entering through each breath and continuing its dance through my body with my soul.
Was that dramatic enough for you? Honestly, I have been obsessed with music my entire life. I used to bring my boombox with me anytime I went to the bathroom, when I played basketball, when I went to sleep, all the time! In the last few years, I think I have turned much more towards music that teaches me something. I guess that means music with good lyrics that mean something to me. I still love the club bangers on Friday and Saturday nights but for the most part, lyrics are what I crave. Blues music moves me in a way that music has not moved me in a long time and I think it's because it offers something pretty special.
In the last few months, I have become a frequent patron at an old blues bar near my house and I'm taking a class on the history of the blues right now too. We began with the influences of blues and every week we travel through time as blues music evolved. The teacher spouts off anecdote after anecdote about guys with "Blind" in front of their name or with names like "Spider" or "Big" something or other. Our only assignment in class is to sit and listen to the lyrics to each song he plays. It's mind blowing. Every song tells the story of the time. Songs about racism in the South, about slavery, about the Vietnam War, about hope, about positivity, and about contagious optimism. It's like the music was born out of despair and the lowest depths of the human soul only to be used to raise the soul to the highest level.
I leave every class meeting both saddened about the past of America and uplifted by the outlook of the original blues singers. We learned about JB Lenoir, who sang songs about politics and the plight of people in the South. Another big theme in his music was respect for women. He was in a car accident and his injuries were not taken seriously because he was black. We've already learned of three revolutionary musicians whose lives ended early because they were black. The amazing thing is, for all the sadness of the time, blues singers still seemed to raise the spirits of their listener. It's almost like these women and men addressed the sadness all around them and then told everyone to enjoy the moment and move on. They embraced the feeling of life to the fullest.
I think it's pretty cool that the Blues and music in general can tell us a lot about the past and make us still feel emotion in the present. Another great story was about Skip James, who couldn't afford cancer treatment because he wasn't making any money singing his songs. So Eric Clapton covered one of his songs and donated all the money towards his hospital bills. How cool is that?
I love that we all have our own music tastes. We don't all take time out of busy lives though, to just sit and take in music the way it was supposed to be experienced though. Take some time today, close those eyes, and inhale the notes with each breath. See where it takes you.
Here are a couple J.B. Lenoir videos. He looks a lot like Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr and actually sang about a lot of the same topics.
This first one is a great example of the way the music tells a story about the times. I like how he hits his guitar between cords (during the second song).
When I feel so good....
I can still remember my first time. I was nervous, having never experienced such things. I walked in and sat down. Without notice the event began. My natural reflex was to close my eyes and take deep breathes. As the music danced around the room it was almost as though I wasn't listening to it but rather I was inhaling it. Like it was entering through each breath and continuing its dance through my body with my soul.
Was that dramatic enough for you? Honestly, I have been obsessed with music my entire life. I used to bring my boombox with me anytime I went to the bathroom, when I played basketball, when I went to sleep, all the time! In the last few years, I think I have turned much more towards music that teaches me something. I guess that means music with good lyrics that mean something to me. I still love the club bangers on Friday and Saturday nights but for the most part, lyrics are what I crave. Blues music moves me in a way that music has not moved me in a long time and I think it's because it offers something pretty special.
In the last few months, I have become a frequent patron at an old blues bar near my house and I'm taking a class on the history of the blues right now too. We began with the influences of blues and every week we travel through time as blues music evolved. The teacher spouts off anecdote after anecdote about guys with "Blind" in front of their name or with names like "Spider" or "Big" something or other. Our only assignment in class is to sit and listen to the lyrics to each song he plays. It's mind blowing. Every song tells the story of the time. Songs about racism in the South, about slavery, about the Vietnam War, about hope, about positivity, and about contagious optimism. It's like the music was born out of despair and the lowest depths of the human soul only to be used to raise the soul to the highest level.
I leave every class meeting both saddened about the past of America and uplifted by the outlook of the original blues singers. We learned about JB Lenoir, who sang songs about politics and the plight of people in the South. Another big theme in his music was respect for women. He was in a car accident and his injuries were not taken seriously because he was black. We've already learned of three revolutionary musicians whose lives ended early because they were black. The amazing thing is, for all the sadness of the time, blues singers still seemed to raise the spirits of their listener. It's almost like these women and men addressed the sadness all around them and then told everyone to enjoy the moment and move on. They embraced the feeling of life to the fullest.
I think it's pretty cool that the Blues and music in general can tell us a lot about the past and make us still feel emotion in the present. Another great story was about Skip James, who couldn't afford cancer treatment because he wasn't making any money singing his songs. So Eric Clapton covered one of his songs and donated all the money towards his hospital bills. How cool is that?
I love that we all have our own music tastes. We don't all take time out of busy lives though, to just sit and take in music the way it was supposed to be experienced though. Take some time today, close those eyes, and inhale the notes with each breath. See where it takes you.
Here are a couple J.B. Lenoir videos. He looks a lot like Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr and actually sang about a lot of the same topics.
This first one is a great example of the way the music tells a story about the times. I like how he hits his guitar between cords (during the second song).
When I feel so good....
The Steps
What what! If any of you are left, I'm back. Sorry about the ridiculous hiatus but the end of the year proved pretty hardcore on my mind. Honestly the entire year was a constant questioning of everything I thought I knew. My beliefs about religion, relationships, family, friendships, food, music, fashion, education, the world, and last but not least, I rounded the year out with a hardcore look at myself. It was one of the last weeks of the year and I've never felt so alone in my life. Shit was awful. It was almost like everyone was at some other stage of their life and no one could hear me. Being someone that's not so upfront about my everyday struggles, I'm usually extremely easy to read but no one was picking that up. It turned out to be a great blessing as I felt like I shed this heavy skin I had been carrying around for years. That's the reason I moved in the first place. To redefine myself and while the way it went down was pretty dark and lonesome, it needed to happen. Soooooo hear I am. Smile on my face and feeling ready for 2008 and life in general. Since I have never written a MEME (what a lame word), I thought I would do that now for your amusement. I plan on writing more frequent short posts this year. Definitely have been missing the blogging world.
1. I am extremely shy around groups of people I don't know. Now people always tell me I'm bullshitting when I say this since they've seen me be social before. But you were there right? And I know you! It's when I don't know anyone. Seriously I wish you could see how awkward I am.
2. I used to be deathly afraid of spiders until I stayed in India for a couple months and strangely enough are kind of fond of them now. I'm not going to go as far as to say I would play with one but from afar they are quite majestic.
3. My musical tastes went through an unbelievable Renaissance last year. A couple of months ago I starting listening to more blues music and I honestly felt like I had never heard music before. Some songs gave me the shivers. I've been going to blues clubs a lot around town too and taking a class on the history of Chicago blues!
4. Being the youngest in my immediate family, one of the youngest in my extended family and having quite a few older friends, I have always expected a lot from other people. I am really good at being dedicated to the wrong people and then being disappointed when they're not dedicated to me. Awesome! =)
5. The dream life would be living in India about a third of the year. Staring a company with an office there would be even better!
6. I was professionally trained in Indian classical dance for most of my life. That's why I am so damn smooth on the dance floor.
7. My biggest fear is being alone. I've come to like it more and more living by myself but those that know me well know that I almost never turn down the chance to hang out with people. You know that feeling when you're in a big group but feel alone? Ah! I can't stand that feeling. I think that's part of the reason I try to talk to people, to prevent that situation.
8. I think following a particular sports team and religious fanaticism have a lot of similarities. That has nothing to do with me but shows you I think about weird things.
9. There's a basketball court in my hometown that me and my friend Dave have been on more than any other humans. Probably even more than most animals too.
10. I would love to teach people to be more confident in the way they speak to people.
Oh and I was not trained in Indian classical dance! This shit is all natural girl. You can't teach these moves. Well friend, here's to 2008. Here's to more posts. Here's to hopeful smiles and here's to being proactive and making moves this year and in life. Like Vaclav Havel said, "Vision is not enough; it must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps; we must step up the steps." Boom!
1. I am extremely shy around groups of people I don't know. Now people always tell me I'm bullshitting when I say this since they've seen me be social before. But you were there right? And I know you! It's when I don't know anyone. Seriously I wish you could see how awkward I am.
2. I used to be deathly afraid of spiders until I stayed in India for a couple months and strangely enough are kind of fond of them now. I'm not going to go as far as to say I would play with one but from afar they are quite majestic.
3. My musical tastes went through an unbelievable Renaissance last year. A couple of months ago I starting listening to more blues music and I honestly felt like I had never heard music before. Some songs gave me the shivers. I've been going to blues clubs a lot around town too and taking a class on the history of Chicago blues!
4. Being the youngest in my immediate family, one of the youngest in my extended family and having quite a few older friends, I have always expected a lot from other people. I am really good at being dedicated to the wrong people and then being disappointed when they're not dedicated to me. Awesome! =)
5. The dream life would be living in India about a third of the year. Staring a company with an office there would be even better!
6. I was professionally trained in Indian classical dance for most of my life. That's why I am so damn smooth on the dance floor.
7. My biggest fear is being alone. I've come to like it more and more living by myself but those that know me well know that I almost never turn down the chance to hang out with people. You know that feeling when you're in a big group but feel alone? Ah! I can't stand that feeling. I think that's part of the reason I try to talk to people, to prevent that situation.
8. I think following a particular sports team and religious fanaticism have a lot of similarities. That has nothing to do with me but shows you I think about weird things.
9. There's a basketball court in my hometown that me and my friend Dave have been on more than any other humans. Probably even more than most animals too.
10. I would love to teach people to be more confident in the way they speak to people.
Oh and I was not trained in Indian classical dance! This shit is all natural girl. You can't teach these moves. Well friend, here's to 2008. Here's to more posts. Here's to hopeful smiles and here's to being proactive and making moves this year and in life. Like Vaclav Havel said, "Vision is not enough; it must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps; we must step up the steps." Boom!
Instead of reading another long post, take this time to really think about one or two people that really make you feel good about life. A person that does things for the right reasons. A person that gives you hope for the future. A person that makes the people around them better people. A person that makes YOU a better person. A person whose company makes you forget about life’s struggles and obstacles. A person that makes you believe in magic. Definitely missing a lot of people back home right now. Definitely could use a late night in my backyard with some folks, sharing frosty beverages and talking about totally unrealistic ideas. Thing is, they’re all crazy enough to believe magic IS possible and that’s what makes anything possible. I think I lost myself recently in some shape or form. I spend too much time thinking about people that make me question and undermine myself. The focus shall be thrown back on the right people. Backyard…. Folks…. Magic. Time to start believing again. Boom!
Kentucky Fried Kari
It only took six months, but here is the newest addition to the Small World Project. I promise many more before the New Year!
Want to waste time? Check my actual post below this one. It's long and probably the post I marinated on the most and had the most trouble articulating. Answer the question scenario question in it too when you have time!
Want to waste time? Check my actual post below this one. It's long and probably the post I marinated on the most and had the most trouble articulating. Answer the question scenario question in it too when you have time!
Coming Home
Join me in an exercise for a second. Stand up wherever you are right now. Place your feet shoulder width apart and bend your knees ever so slightly. Are you doing it? Okay, you should be standing up with your feet shoulder width apart. Now put all your weight into your feet. Let all the weight in your body flow down into your feet almost like your feet are acting like a heavy anchor pulling you into the ground. Correct your posture. Close your eyes and when your eyes are closed take a deep breath and when you exhale open your eyes and look up. Welcome home.
On December 28 of last year, I left my actual home, the Bay Area, for the first time in my life. A few years prior, I remember when I once felt so lost my junior year in college. I told my parents that I needed to travel for a while to find myself. They supported the idea but they stressed to me not to leave expecting to find myself in India or wherever I decided to go. "Everything you need to find is already inside you," they said (or something to that effect). Most of you know I went to India, which basically changed the way I view the world around me. But they were right. If I had to summarize the trip into one sentence though, I would say that "I relearned what it's like to enjoy myself and the people around me regardless of location or activity or stuff." That being said, this last year has been the most intense year of my life. New experience, new thoughts, a new view of life but it didn't lack many moments when I felt lost or confused or frightfully alone. In those moments, I took a deep breathe, made my feet heavy into the ground and whispered to myself, "stay home buddy." It was a constant reminder not only to not forget where I come from but more importantly it was a reminder that everything I needed was already inside me. I still do this by the way. This idea of growing from within would have to be the theme of the year. In life we have countless things we have no control over like our height, our thickness of hair, what school we already went to, past relationships, etc. Why do we tend to harp on these things constantly? I started to really wonder why we don't marinate on things that we actually have the power to change ourselves! Our diet, our fitness, making an effort to get into relationships, keeping in touch with people, learning new skills! SO MANY THINGS! Anyway, every year I try to sum up the year and come up with New Year's Resolutions. A few years ago I decided to start my resolutions in December, as a way to be full force before the new year begins. That post is coming soon. Before I got into that post though I wanted to spread the gospel of some revelations and mind-blowing moments I thankfully experienced this year.
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One of the first people I remember talking to this year was Tyrone on January first and he kept saying, "2007 is the year to make it happen man." He said it with such conviction I started saying that to myself all the time. The beauty of the line is that "it" means something else to each person. For him it was a side business and pushing his brother Ao's music, which is now available on iTunes. Talk about making it happen. For me "it" meant to do things I had never done before. To live to the full extent of the word "alive." Here's what I learned:
Experiments with Truth.
Many of you know that about a year ago, I began these small 30 day experiments. I choose a different challenge every few months and try to stay with it all month. Past experiments have been vegetarianism, cooking every single meal I've eaten, working out everyday, calling a certain number of people each day. Most people think I am nuts when they hear about these and that used to deter me from spreading the word. Let me tell you though, of any type of personal improvement I've ever tried in my life, these experiments have given me more insight into myself and the world around me than anything I have ever been apart of before. I would love to start a website dedicated to the movement someday. The idea by the way is not mine. It's kind of mutually stolen from Ben Franklin and Gandhiji and you know you can't hate on them. It's an easy way to change things about yourself you CAN actually change.
A Reaction is Worthless without the Message.
When I was teaching, I would sit for hours and think about individual students and the dynamic of the classroom and create variations of how we could present the same information. I would envision one in my head and simulate the crowd's reaction, rewind and try another one. Though this worked well in class I unfortunately do this to most facets of my life. I realized that I spend so much time trying to convince people to come to an event or trying to write my blog in such a way as to connect with each person I know that's reading. I started caring a lot less about this as the year went on. I think we worry about reaction and the effects of our message before we even spend time cultivating the message. A couple people have told me that I seem more like my true goofy self in most environments, which made me pretty happy. Don't worry about how people are going feel about your message just make it the message you truly want people to hear. It's like in class when you want to answer a question but don't want to look stupid and then you find out you had the right answer all along. Don't question yourself.
Goofy-ness and Believing in the Self.
I have spent much of my life giving the wrong people my attention. The wrong girls, the wrong acquaintances. I've always felt like if I have an awkward conversation with someone it must be myself. If someone isn't calling me back, I must have done something wrong. DONE! So not true. At a recent party, instead of trying to win over the people I subconsciously have dubbed "cool" I acted a fool with my homies. I realized that often awkward conversations are just as much the other persons fault as they are mine. When the dancing began, me and all the homies were acting super goofy and having a really good time. Many smiles were being had. I looked over at the people I dubbed "cool" and they were being super lame most likely because they are lame. The ability to be GOOFY and SILLY may the the quality I value most in people. Those that may be dubbed socially cool often act cool to compensate for their lameness and lack of goofy skills.
Make decisions as if you were a resident of Walden Pond.
Learning how to make decisions solely based on my own thoughts has been one of the toughest and coolest things I've done this year. I still battle with the effect that others' opinions have on my views but I am way better off than I was at home. So Walden Pond... When confronted with a decision, whether it be what furniture to buy or what clothes to wear, many of us place high value on what guests and friends would think of either. How many of you would by an ugly piece of furniture that you know your guests will hate? So now I say to myself, "If you lived alone in the woods, what decision would you make" and it helps clarify things a lot! I recently bought something that I've dreamt about buying for years. Honestly of anything I have ever bought, this gives my goosebumps (and no it's not that fancy). Most guests are going to think that I am totally crazy and weird but I don't care cause Henry David Thoreau said so!
People should use their talents to help others.
This is something I have been trying to leverage for a long time. It was the core of the Small World Project. There is not one person reading this blog that doesn't have some special talent. Why don't we extend our hand more? Why don't I offer free public speaking classes to my friends? My doesn't Vijay or Ajay start an email account where people can ask them about electronics or where to find good deals? Why don't the people that have worked abroad or lived abroad make themselves more available for younger kids in need of advice? I think it's all tough but I think it would be easy to put ourselves out there more. So here I am. If anyone reading needs help with anything public speaking related, email me anytime (vkamath@gmail.com). If you live in Chicago, I will meet with you personally. If you live elsewhere, email me your powerpoint or presentation and I will rip you apart. Even if I don't know you. (I taught public speaking at Stanford for about 5 years by the way. I'm not just some random dude pretending to pose as a teacher!)
The Long Slow Beautiful Dance.
Life is a long, slow beautiful dance. You don't reach some plateau at 40 where you're comfortable and struggles just disappear. It continues to be challenging and hopefully it continues to offer triumph. That's what makes it scary and exciting. Glad you guys are around to experience it with me.
The Power of Weirding People Out.
The weird out. Making someone instantly, without thought, step outside their comfort zone with a question or action may be the greatest revelation of this year. We are adhere to such boring convention all the time. What did you ask the last person you met for the first time? Maybe about their job or where they're from? As Hash always says, "Dude, how good could a job actually be going?" Stop conforming. Join the weirdout movement.
Here's a great weirdout question I've become quite obsessed with. Ask your friends and answer in the comment sections please! Would love to hear your responses.
You walk into a room with four random people sitting in it. As you walk in, I'm leaving and tell you I will be back in 30 minutes, could you chat with the people about something until I get back? What topic would you tell them about? This is not a debate. It's you informing them of something for 30 minutes. THINK ABOUT IT! and answer in the comments! I'll post some of my favorites there too.
I have been asking this question to every person I meet for the last few months. It says a lot about what value they feel they can pass onto the world and it says a lot about how they view the people around them. I remember my buddy once went up to a girl in a bar and said, "What are you all about? What drives you?" Sure some people might not answer your questions but my guess is that those that those people that don't answer 1) suck and 2) have no personality. Some future weirdout plans include handing out roses to girls that look sad on the street, carrying extra gloves to hand out to homeless people, and all sorts of other CRAZY SHIT!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PHEW that was a damn long post. If you made it this far, thanks for reading folks. Honestly, I want us all to be open about our revelations because I really think a paradigm shift needs to be had where we focus and remind one another of the things we can have an affect on rather than stressing about the shit we have no control over. Stay Home friends. Stay Home.
On December 28 of last year, I left my actual home, the Bay Area, for the first time in my life. A few years prior, I remember when I once felt so lost my junior year in college. I told my parents that I needed to travel for a while to find myself. They supported the idea but they stressed to me not to leave expecting to find myself in India or wherever I decided to go. "Everything you need to find is already inside you," they said (or something to that effect). Most of you know I went to India, which basically changed the way I view the world around me. But they were right. If I had to summarize the trip into one sentence though, I would say that "I relearned what it's like to enjoy myself and the people around me regardless of location or activity or stuff." That being said, this last year has been the most intense year of my life. New experience, new thoughts, a new view of life but it didn't lack many moments when I felt lost or confused or frightfully alone. In those moments, I took a deep breathe, made my feet heavy into the ground and whispered to myself, "stay home buddy." It was a constant reminder not only to not forget where I come from but more importantly it was a reminder that everything I needed was already inside me. I still do this by the way. This idea of growing from within would have to be the theme of the year. In life we have countless things we have no control over like our height, our thickness of hair, what school we already went to, past relationships, etc. Why do we tend to harp on these things constantly? I started to really wonder why we don't marinate on things that we actually have the power to change ourselves! Our diet, our fitness, making an effort to get into relationships, keeping in touch with people, learning new skills! SO MANY THINGS! Anyway, every year I try to sum up the year and come up with New Year's Resolutions. A few years ago I decided to start my resolutions in December, as a way to be full force before the new year begins. That post is coming soon. Before I got into that post though I wanted to spread the gospel of some revelations and mind-blowing moments I thankfully experienced this year.
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One of the first people I remember talking to this year was Tyrone on January first and he kept saying, "2007 is the year to make it happen man." He said it with such conviction I started saying that to myself all the time. The beauty of the line is that "it" means something else to each person. For him it was a side business and pushing his brother Ao's music, which is now available on iTunes. Talk about making it happen. For me "it" meant to do things I had never done before. To live to the full extent of the word "alive." Here's what I learned:
Experiments with Truth.
Many of you know that about a year ago, I began these small 30 day experiments. I choose a different challenge every few months and try to stay with it all month. Past experiments have been vegetarianism, cooking every single meal I've eaten, working out everyday, calling a certain number of people each day. Most people think I am nuts when they hear about these and that used to deter me from spreading the word. Let me tell you though, of any type of personal improvement I've ever tried in my life, these experiments have given me more insight into myself and the world around me than anything I have ever been apart of before. I would love to start a website dedicated to the movement someday. The idea by the way is not mine. It's kind of mutually stolen from Ben Franklin and Gandhiji and you know you can't hate on them. It's an easy way to change things about yourself you CAN actually change.
A Reaction is Worthless without the Message.
When I was teaching, I would sit for hours and think about individual students and the dynamic of the classroom and create variations of how we could present the same information. I would envision one in my head and simulate the crowd's reaction, rewind and try another one. Though this worked well in class I unfortunately do this to most facets of my life. I realized that I spend so much time trying to convince people to come to an event or trying to write my blog in such a way as to connect with each person I know that's reading. I started caring a lot less about this as the year went on. I think we worry about reaction and the effects of our message before we even spend time cultivating the message. A couple people have told me that I seem more like my true goofy self in most environments, which made me pretty happy. Don't worry about how people are going feel about your message just make it the message you truly want people to hear. It's like in class when you want to answer a question but don't want to look stupid and then you find out you had the right answer all along. Don't question yourself.
Goofy-ness and Believing in the Self.
I have spent much of my life giving the wrong people my attention. The wrong girls, the wrong acquaintances. I've always felt like if I have an awkward conversation with someone it must be myself. If someone isn't calling me back, I must have done something wrong. DONE! So not true. At a recent party, instead of trying to win over the people I subconsciously have dubbed "cool" I acted a fool with my homies. I realized that often awkward conversations are just as much the other persons fault as they are mine. When the dancing began, me and all the homies were acting super goofy and having a really good time. Many smiles were being had. I looked over at the people I dubbed "cool" and they were being super lame most likely because they are lame. The ability to be GOOFY and SILLY may the the quality I value most in people. Those that may be dubbed socially cool often act cool to compensate for their lameness and lack of goofy skills.
Make decisions as if you were a resident of Walden Pond.
Learning how to make decisions solely based on my own thoughts has been one of the toughest and coolest things I've done this year. I still battle with the effect that others' opinions have on my views but I am way better off than I was at home. So Walden Pond... When confronted with a decision, whether it be what furniture to buy or what clothes to wear, many of us place high value on what guests and friends would think of either. How many of you would by an ugly piece of furniture that you know your guests will hate? So now I say to myself, "If you lived alone in the woods, what decision would you make" and it helps clarify things a lot! I recently bought something that I've dreamt about buying for years. Honestly of anything I have ever bought, this gives my goosebumps (and no it's not that fancy). Most guests are going to think that I am totally crazy and weird but I don't care cause Henry David Thoreau said so!
People should use their talents to help others.
This is something I have been trying to leverage for a long time. It was the core of the Small World Project. There is not one person reading this blog that doesn't have some special talent. Why don't we extend our hand more? Why don't I offer free public speaking classes to my friends? My doesn't Vijay or Ajay start an email account where people can ask them about electronics or where to find good deals? Why don't the people that have worked abroad or lived abroad make themselves more available for younger kids in need of advice? I think it's all tough but I think it would be easy to put ourselves out there more. So here I am. If anyone reading needs help with anything public speaking related, email me anytime (vkamath@gmail.com). If you live in Chicago, I will meet with you personally. If you live elsewhere, email me your powerpoint or presentation and I will rip you apart. Even if I don't know you. (I taught public speaking at Stanford for about 5 years by the way. I'm not just some random dude pretending to pose as a teacher!)
The Long Slow Beautiful Dance.
Life is a long, slow beautiful dance. You don't reach some plateau at 40 where you're comfortable and struggles just disappear. It continues to be challenging and hopefully it continues to offer triumph. That's what makes it scary and exciting. Glad you guys are around to experience it with me.
The Power of Weirding People Out.
The weird out. Making someone instantly, without thought, step outside their comfort zone with a question or action may be the greatest revelation of this year. We are adhere to such boring convention all the time. What did you ask the last person you met for the first time? Maybe about their job or where they're from? As Hash always says, "Dude, how good could a job actually be going?" Stop conforming. Join the weirdout movement.
Here's a great weirdout question I've become quite obsessed with. Ask your friends and answer in the comment sections please! Would love to hear your responses.
You walk into a room with four random people sitting in it. As you walk in, I'm leaving and tell you I will be back in 30 minutes, could you chat with the people about something until I get back? What topic would you tell them about? This is not a debate. It's you informing them of something for 30 minutes. THINK ABOUT IT! and answer in the comments! I'll post some of my favorites there too.
I have been asking this question to every person I meet for the last few months. It says a lot about what value they feel they can pass onto the world and it says a lot about how they view the people around them. I remember my buddy once went up to a girl in a bar and said, "What are you all about? What drives you?" Sure some people might not answer your questions but my guess is that those that those people that don't answer 1) suck and 2) have no personality. Some future weirdout plans include handing out roses to girls that look sad on the street, carrying extra gloves to hand out to homeless people, and all sorts of other CRAZY SHIT!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PHEW that was a damn long post. If you made it this far, thanks for reading folks. Honestly, I want us all to be open about our revelations because I really think a paradigm shift needs to be had where we focus and remind one another of the things we can have an affect on rather than stressing about the shit we have no control over. Stay Home friends. Stay Home.
Youuuuuuuuuuu
I took the comments option off my last post because sometimes I feel like a blog trying to collect comments. That leads into thinking that the value of a post is based on the number of comments. I do enjoy learning from you folks though. So here are a couple questions for you. I've answered them in the comments and you should too! Pick one to answer or answer both.
1) If you stepped outside yourself for a moment, what advice would you give yourself? What observations would you have about your lifestyle? What things are you in denial about that you would set yourself straight on?
2) I heard of a class assignment where students were told to give an hour presentation as if it was the last hour of their life. Then I saw a clip of a professor with a chronic illness actually knowingly presenting for the last time. Put yourself in that situation. What topics would you cover in that hour? What knowledge would you pass on to the people around you? What would your legacy be?
1) If you stepped outside yourself for a moment, what advice would you give yourself? What observations would you have about your lifestyle? What things are you in denial about that you would set yourself straight on?
2) I heard of a class assignment where students were told to give an hour presentation as if it was the last hour of their life. Then I saw a clip of a professor with a chronic illness actually knowingly presenting for the last time. Put yourself in that situation. What topics would you cover in that hour? What knowledge would you pass on to the people around you? What would your legacy be?
On Reality
As I sat in the lunchroom, I cooled down my hot coffee as best I could. It had way too much Splenda in it and probably one too many creams but it smelt so damn good. You see I've been drinking about two diet cokes and a cup of coffee everyday. But we'll come back to that caffeine fix. No one else was in the lunchroom because it was late into the afternoon and I finally decided to reopen a collection of Ralph Waldo Emerson pieces and poems I have been meaning to read. Oh don't worry if you don't read Emerson or don't know who Emerson is, I barely ever read (in fact I've probably only fully read two books for fun in my entire life - I'm trying to change though!). Anyway, I remember reading some of the book years back and Emerson's view on life and spirituality really struck a cord with me. So I opened up a piece and within a few pages was really drawn in. In the piecet he writes about two types of people in the world. The "materialist" and the "idealist." The materialist being one who lives a very empirical life. This mind is based upon science and that which has been proven by society. Accepted notions are the best way to describe the workings of the world. The idealist being one who suspends disbelief and is not concerned with actual "objects but with our mode of knowing objects." This mind is concerned with its own understanding of the world.
I apologize if some of this is my interpretation of what I read but he went on to explain the way in which we explain the world. Our explanation of truth being like reflected light. Depending on where we're standing we may see something entirely different. That really gave me one of those Ah ha! moments. That's it. That's my beef with our generation. We think we're a generation of idealists but we're slowly (or quickly) becoming materialists (in the Emerson sense) We're moving towards viewing the world through societal norms.
Here's what I think:
In the 9 months or so since being here I have done all sorts of good and bad things. I've had my share of mornings waking up on my floor. I've lost weight and then gained weight (back trying to lose it!). I've tried to become more fashionable and settled into a shirt and jeans kinda guy with the occasional sports coat. I've realized that I have some really bad habits.
The point being that I had no idea how much I didn't actively THINK about the things I was doing. I mean really sit and ponder daily decisions. I think that's why I started doing weird one month challenges. I wanted to only do action that I truly wanted to take part in. I quickly realized that I was often going out for the wrong reasons and I realized that an ENTREE at a restaurant is actually two (or three!) meals. I realized that I really like walking long distances (I never knew this cause no one would walk with me!) and that I am not picky with food at all. For the first time when other people didn't want to go out, I would go out by myself because I really wanted to go out. I wasn't even close to touching on all aspects of life but then I moved into more scary topics.
I've been going on AIM and Facebook for years now. I've probably used up years of my life on both. When I first moved out here I tried hard not to go onto either. I knew I would use them as a crutch. There are only a few people I talk to on either but wasn't enjoying either very much. I came to the realization that I've been using AIM as a crutch this entire time. When I'm lonely or bored it let's me reach out. I've become dependent on it. So for about a month I didn't use Facebook, AIM and I didn't have a cell phone for about two weeks. The result? I would have a shitty day at work and crave AIM. I needed to talk to someone but I couldn't. So I sat, I ran, I cooked, I actually thought about what was bugging me. I didn't have anyone to vent too or pass my anger off to so I processed it. I knew I couldn't go online and put up an angry away message or vent over messenger. I basically had to tell myself to get over it. I had to tell myself to have perspective. I have never had to do that. It was lonely at times. But for the first time I was forced to focus my energy elsewhere. I went for long walks and started reading more. Now don't get me wrong. I do have great conversations on AIM with some people and some people use AIM for real conversation (I'm just not one of them). And of course serious problems demand advice and discussion among friends. I just saw myself venting and chatting about the littlest of things going on in my life. I became more aware of what I was doing online. It was just adding unwanted anxiety and imbalance to my life. Then I would call my friends and I didn't have to vent to them, I could actually take an active roll in what was going on in their lives. Maybe everyone has that "AIM" in their life that they use as a crutch when they could try to deal with things on their own.
So why did I call out our generation as moving away from Emerson's idealism? Because we either accept the group ideal about something or we are quick to form opinions. The argument I always hear is that we are a generation of opinionated people. With so much information on the internet, I do think the truth is out there. But I don't see us THINKING about the truth anymore than before. One quick glance at Wikipedia or any other Google matched website is the only "truth" we need now. So in a way we are still accepting what we are being told. My manager at work said today that he doesn't even trust BOOKS! Every little bit he reads, he goes onto the internet and checks multiple other sources. He then sits and comes to his own conclusions. That's extreme but more in the right direction that me for sure.
We're quick to form opinions too. I can write about someone in a coded way (even though everyone always knows who a blogger is talking about - haha and I'm not blowing up anyone's spot. I have not frequented blogs in some time now) or I can voice any opinion I want about politics or religion or anything! We have the power to publish in real time. It takes me a long time to write blog posts because I want what I write to be how I really feel. Orators of famous speeches and philosophers both shitty and famous have been held to their word. Today you can say one thing in the morning (and influence the people around you both emotionally and mentally) and then totally contradict that at night. There is no responsibility or consequence for either. We can change our minds on a whim because we don't marinate on things enough to actually decide how we feel about them.
WHHHHHHEW. I love when I write something passionately or emotion-filled because someone always thinks I am sad or angry. =) No worries my friends. I am fine. I just think real conversation and seeking your own truth and personal discovery and the evolution of the self are all falling by the wayside. Reality has become infused with denial and technological cloudiness. I was in denial about my eating habits and lifestyle and lots of things. I now have cut out lots of bad habits and accepted my coffee actively. The point is that I still don't understand everything about myself or the world around me but thinking about small things actually helped, even if only a little bit. It was scary at first but I think it could help you make decisions about the world around you. It all depends on how you decide to see the light.
I apologize if some of this is my interpretation of what I read but he went on to explain the way in which we explain the world. Our explanation of truth being like reflected light. Depending on where we're standing we may see something entirely different. That really gave me one of those Ah ha! moments. That's it. That's my beef with our generation. We think we're a generation of idealists but we're slowly (or quickly) becoming materialists (in the Emerson sense) We're moving towards viewing the world through societal norms.
Here's what I think:
In the 9 months or so since being here I have done all sorts of good and bad things. I've had my share of mornings waking up on my floor. I've lost weight and then gained weight (back trying to lose it!). I've tried to become more fashionable and settled into a shirt and jeans kinda guy with the occasional sports coat. I've realized that I have some really bad habits.
The point being that I had no idea how much I didn't actively THINK about the things I was doing. I mean really sit and ponder daily decisions. I think that's why I started doing weird one month challenges. I wanted to only do action that I truly wanted to take part in. I quickly realized that I was often going out for the wrong reasons and I realized that an ENTREE at a restaurant is actually two (or three!) meals. I realized that I really like walking long distances (I never knew this cause no one would walk with me!) and that I am not picky with food at all. For the first time when other people didn't want to go out, I would go out by myself because I really wanted to go out. I wasn't even close to touching on all aspects of life but then I moved into more scary topics.
I've been going on AIM and Facebook for years now. I've probably used up years of my life on both. When I first moved out here I tried hard not to go onto either. I knew I would use them as a crutch. There are only a few people I talk to on either but wasn't enjoying either very much. I came to the realization that I've been using AIM as a crutch this entire time. When I'm lonely or bored it let's me reach out. I've become dependent on it. So for about a month I didn't use Facebook, AIM and I didn't have a cell phone for about two weeks. The result? I would have a shitty day at work and crave AIM. I needed to talk to someone but I couldn't. So I sat, I ran, I cooked, I actually thought about what was bugging me. I didn't have anyone to vent too or pass my anger off to so I processed it. I knew I couldn't go online and put up an angry away message or vent over messenger. I basically had to tell myself to get over it. I had to tell myself to have perspective. I have never had to do that. It was lonely at times. But for the first time I was forced to focus my energy elsewhere. I went for long walks and started reading more. Now don't get me wrong. I do have great conversations on AIM with some people and some people use AIM for real conversation (I'm just not one of them). And of course serious problems demand advice and discussion among friends. I just saw myself venting and chatting about the littlest of things going on in my life. I became more aware of what I was doing online. It was just adding unwanted anxiety and imbalance to my life. Then I would call my friends and I didn't have to vent to them, I could actually take an active roll in what was going on in their lives. Maybe everyone has that "AIM" in their life that they use as a crutch when they could try to deal with things on their own.
So why did I call out our generation as moving away from Emerson's idealism? Because we either accept the group ideal about something or we are quick to form opinions. The argument I always hear is that we are a generation of opinionated people. With so much information on the internet, I do think the truth is out there. But I don't see us THINKING about the truth anymore than before. One quick glance at Wikipedia or any other Google matched website is the only "truth" we need now. So in a way we are still accepting what we are being told. My manager at work said today that he doesn't even trust BOOKS! Every little bit he reads, he goes onto the internet and checks multiple other sources. He then sits and comes to his own conclusions. That's extreme but more in the right direction that me for sure.
We're quick to form opinions too. I can write about someone in a coded way (even though everyone always knows who a blogger is talking about - haha and I'm not blowing up anyone's spot. I have not frequented blogs in some time now) or I can voice any opinion I want about politics or religion or anything! We have the power to publish in real time. It takes me a long time to write blog posts because I want what I write to be how I really feel. Orators of famous speeches and philosophers both shitty and famous have been held to their word. Today you can say one thing in the morning (and influence the people around you both emotionally and mentally) and then totally contradict that at night. There is no responsibility or consequence for either. We can change our minds on a whim because we don't marinate on things enough to actually decide how we feel about them.
WHHHHHHEW. I love when I write something passionately or emotion-filled because someone always thinks I am sad or angry. =) No worries my friends. I am fine. I just think real conversation and seeking your own truth and personal discovery and the evolution of the self are all falling by the wayside. Reality has become infused with denial and technological cloudiness. I was in denial about my eating habits and lifestyle and lots of things. I now have cut out lots of bad habits and accepted my coffee actively. The point is that I still don't understand everything about myself or the world around me but thinking about small things actually helped, even if only a little bit. It was scary at first but I think it could help you make decisions about the world around you. It all depends on how you decide to see the light.
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