The Steps

What what! If any of you are left, I'm back. Sorry about the ridiculous hiatus but the end of the year proved pretty hardcore on my mind. Honestly the entire year was a constant questioning of everything I thought I knew. My beliefs about religion, relationships, family, friendships, food, music, fashion, education, the world, and last but not least, I rounded the year out with a hardcore look at myself. It was one of the last weeks of the year and I've never felt so alone in my life. Shit was awful. It was almost like everyone was at some other stage of their life and no one could hear me. Being someone that's not so upfront about my everyday struggles, I'm usually extremely easy to read but no one was picking that up. It turned out to be a great blessing as I felt like I shed this heavy skin I had been carrying around for years. That's the reason I moved in the first place. To redefine myself and while the way it went down was pretty dark and lonesome, it needed to happen. Soooooo hear I am. Smile on my face and feeling ready for 2008 and life in general. Since I have never written a MEME (what a lame word), I thought I would do that now for your amusement. I plan on writing more frequent short posts this year. Definitely have been missing the blogging world.

1. I am extremely shy around groups of people I don't know. Now people always tell me I'm bullshitting when I say this since they've seen me be social before. But you were there right? And I know you! It's when I don't know anyone. Seriously I wish you could see how awkward I am.

2. I used to be deathly afraid of spiders until I stayed in India for a couple months and strangely enough are kind of fond of them now. I'm not going to go as far as to say I would play with one but from afar they are quite majestic.

3. My musical tastes went through an unbelievable Renaissance last year. A couple of months ago I starting listening to more blues music and I honestly felt like I had never heard music before. Some songs gave me the shivers. I've been going to blues clubs a lot around town too and taking a class on the history of Chicago blues!

4. Being the youngest in my immediate family, one of the youngest in my extended family and having quite a few older friends, I have always expected a lot from other people. I am really good at being dedicated to the wrong people and then being disappointed when they're not dedicated to me. Awesome! =)

5. The dream life would be living in India about a third of the year. Staring a company with an office there would be even better!

6. I was professionally trained in Indian classical dance for most of my life. That's why I am so damn smooth on the dance floor.

7. My biggest fear is being alone. I've come to like it more and more living by myself but those that know me well know that I almost never turn down the chance to hang out with people. You know that feeling when you're in a big group but feel alone? Ah! I can't stand that feeling. I think that's part of the reason I try to talk to people, to prevent that situation.

8. I think following a particular sports team and religious fanaticism have a lot of similarities. That has nothing to do with me but shows you I think about weird things.

9. There's a basketball court in my hometown that me and my friend Dave have been on more than any other humans. Probably even more than most animals too.

10. I would love to teach people to be more confident in the way they speak to people.

Oh and I was not trained in Indian classical dance! This shit is all natural girl. You can't teach these moves. Well friend, here's to 2008. Here's to more posts. Here's to hopeful smiles and here's to being proactive and making moves this year and in life. Like Vaclav Havel said, "Vision is not enough; it must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps; we must step up the steps."